There is a myth that if you haven't faced adverse experiences like family illness, you can't write a great college essay. That's BS. You can write a great (college) essay on literally anything (and I rarely use the word "literally"). But at its center, the essay is about you. Everything else is a window to you. There is another equally problematic myth that if you've faced a family illness, that's automatically great topic for your essay. It might be. It might not be. I'm going to lay out some basic considerations if you're thinking about writing about someone else's illness, loss or tragedy that impacted you. Even if that's not your situation, read these pointers to learn a little about good writing. Resources for Illness and Loss First: some of the best sources I know to help cope with loss or grief are the teachings of Roshi Joan Halifax, Stephen and Ondra Levine, Frank Ostaseki, Sobonfu Somé. Also check out Terrible, Thanks for Asking, by Nora McInerny. Is Illness or loss part of your story? Are you even ready to go there? Some of my students have experienced intense familial illness and loss---at such a young ago. When I sit and listen to teenagers tell me about how this impacted their family unit, I grip my chair and breathe with them, encouraging us to keep our hearts not slammed shut around pain. I'm so impressed by how much they handled, and, often, how they handled intense emotional upheaval without totally checking out. I do not, however, suggest they write their essays on this. My own mother lost her mother when she was 13, and no one talked with her about what was happening. Or--gasp-- the fact that she might have feelings about it. She had to deal with those herself and for years, even to this day. I get how this stuff changes everything, forever. I also get how the processing is rarely instantaneous. Here's what to ask yourself if you think you want to write about illness or loss: What qualities of Continue Reading …
loss
Writing Change and Loss
September 11th, a day of tremendous change and loss for so many in NYC and their families. Every year, the old is new again. If you're applying to college now, you were barely born then; or maybe you newly knew how to say plane, tower, fall, fire, help. You didn't know how to deconstruct it, or what it really meant. This terrible catastrophe was emblazoned in American Consciousness-- you were there even if you weren't THERE. That's because all of America was there, vicariously. Everyone knew 9/11 marked a seismic shift in how we thought about our vulnerability, how vulnerable we really are. Memory Challenge Memory is funny that way. Remember when the Challenger Space Shuttle blew up? You were definitely not alive then if you're just applying to college now. I was, though. In my mind, I'm again watching the disaster at blast off happen on TV, the huge TV they wheeled in to our elementary school classroom. On our walls were block-letter ideas of the future-- how we could write more clearly, add more exactly, have dreams, penmanship, and punctuation. Everyone took the same freaked out breath at once, and the sky streaked with grey. A decade and a half later, bodies fleeing and jumping from the sky. God, that third grade teacher, Christie-- (was she?) floating back to earth, detached from ship and smoke. No more report cards. I don't know why I imagined her landing in a pile of old math worksheets and guinea pig pellets, in the yard of some public school somewhere, some school inevitably just like mine, kids pausing their ball games and pulling each others' bright plastic barrettes to go check out the damage. We are still checking out the damage. I figured, with my kid-logic, that her astronaut suit- though burnt-- would provide the necessary extra padding so that she didn't smash onto the concrete, but landed gently. Oh, to be on the earth again, oh that the tallest things fall. After a Big Continue Reading …