"Messay" Process Your college essay might be a mess before it's amazing. I have many students freaking out when their essay is in the messy inchoate stage. Trust the writing process to move from a-mess-ing to amazing! You know what happens when the sun begins to rise? That's just the idea of the day beginning. It hasn't figured itself out yet. It's a hot mess! The whole sky goes crazy, and it tries out all these different colors. They are not the same colors, or in the same order, as yesterday's sunrise. You know why? Me neither. The sun is just going through a process. The atoms have moved around and swapped outfits. They blaze and reorganize. Take notes for your college essay! Beautiful Oops = Mistake Composting I read my kids a book called Beautiful Oops (if I'm really honest we lost our copy, but stick with me). I recommend everyone get their hands on it and absorb it. This is a how-to book designed to help the perfectionists among us calm the F down. It's also for those who can't handle their mistakes and meanderings as a natural part of the process. This book says-- no such thing as a mistake! Take that coffee spill, that misshapen tree, that sentence that is tomato sauce dribbled on your prom outfit, and turn it into something else. It was getting you to your art all along. In fact, that might be your stroke of genius. It's messy before it's sweet I have a lot of students who come to me very early in the college essay process. They are stressed the F out, because they are not sure what they are writing about, and the essay isn't coming out looking finished, in 650 words. That advice thread on Reddit didn't make their essay get born whole. Prince Ea's magic words didn't conjure it. The messy process of creation is a bit uncomfortable. Hey now! Is the sun making a big deal about its sprawl? Should my kids never scribble scrabble in the process of drawing a dragon (it breathes fire, yo!)? Is it OK that I have to step to the left and right Continue Reading …
stress
Frog and Toad Write Your College Essay
Frog and Toad Write Your College Essay In one episode of the children’s book series Frog and Toad, Toad is concerned. His friend Frog has gone alone to their favorite rock, unannounced. Frog and Toad announce everything to one another, so, yes, this is a little strange. Toad does what any anthropomorphizing amphibian would do in a vacuum of information: he starts making stuff up. Does Frog not like him anymore? Is Frog mad? Does Frog think Toad is not a good friend? Did the flies they had at their last dinner party suck? (They are not true to their species: they eat sandwiches, cookies and ice tea). Did Toad do something wrong? Continue Reading …
Not what happened, but how you stress it
Reframing How We Talk About Stress A lot of college essay help is framed around reducing your stress-- guilty as charged. But maybe what I mean is: reducing your stress about your stress. A recent NYTimes article examined stress in young people and how we go the wrong route, as grown ups, when we try to protect them from it. All organisms, of which we are one, need some stress to stimulate growth, change and adaptation. It's good for mental and physical muscles. To a point. Continue Reading …
10 Senior-Year Conversation starters NOT about College applications!
Please Don't Make this conversation about College Apps! To make friendly conversation, it's tempting to ask seniors in high school how the college application process is going, or where they are applying. They MAY be tempted to strangle you, but they'll probably act decently about it and politely recite their list. Maybe even tell you it's going OK. What they really want to do is go to the closest room and scream so loudly that the Common App site crashes (or so they tell me, but it's kinda obvious if you just look closely at their faces). Think about it this way: if you were applying for a high stakes job that took many hundreds of hours and every time you saw anyone THAT WAS ALL THEY WANTED TO TALK ABOUT WITH YOU IN ALL CAPS. Arg. Ick. PSA, Care Elsewhere! This post is a PSA from someone in the industry, moi (I SEE YOU, TEENS!): if you are hanging out with high school seniors these days and strike up conversation TRY REALLY HARD NOT TO ASK THEM ABOUT COLLEGE/COLLEGE PROCESS. Like, AT ALL. I know you really care, but unless you're their guidance counselor, care about something else. Really, you will get so many cool points for not making the conversation about C-O-L-L-E-G-E. They need the mental break. They need to know they are interesting and valuable and very awesome BEYOND this demanding process. At this point in the fall, COLLEGE CRAP (that's how they are thinking of it) is all anyone asks about (Not you? Cool, you should run a tutorial for other adults!). It gets Teen-TEDIOUS. Branch out the conversation Rule of thumb: No college crap. While you are at it, avoid school generally. Ask them, like, what they had for lunch, or to tell you about something weird they noticed on the street. Here are 10 suggestions to start up a real conversation with a teen in the middle of college applications. What's the last thing that really got you mad? What's the last thing that made you feel completely relaxed? What makes you want Continue Reading …
A Mother and Daughter Reflect on the Challenges of the College Essay Writing Process
How Can I Help? The College Essay Predicament When Your Parent Is A Writer Some families know they’ll need outside help navigating the college essay, and seek it. Other families have help conveniently located at home-- which you might think is a perk, or wish was your situation. But it's not simple. Here’s one [longer form] revelation of what happens when mom-- writer Anne Anthony-- has the very skills her daughter--Samantha Hess-- needs when crafting her application essay, but their working dynamic becomes an emotional challenge. At the end, we invite you to share your (horror, triumph) stories of parent input. Sara: Thank you both for agreeing to reflect on the college essay experience. I thought it’d be interesting to hear from a mother and daughter who’ve gone through it and offer a perspective (and maybe advice or guidance) to those starting that journey. So, Anne, why don’t you give my readers some background. Anne: I’ve loved to write all my life and value a well-written sentence more than most mothers do. So, my daughter faced a harder critic in me than she would have with a different parent. I’d worked as a technical writer and analyst. Putting together words in the clearest and most effective way-- read, college essay gold!-- was something I did every day. I wonder how my daughter felt about my ‘help’ with her college essays. Too much? Too critical? Samantha: As the daughter of a writer, I always enjoyed reading and writing. English was my favorite subject in high school as it came naturally to me and I excelled at it. I took a lot of pride in my writing. Writing in general is also incredibly personal. Anne: She was good. Maybe that’s why I expected a lot from her. I wanted to make sure anything she submitted would be her best. Sometimes I felt like I pushed too hard, expected too much. Maybe the way we worked together didn’t help. She’d send me drafts by email. I’d mark up the draft with my edits which always appeared in red on the Continue Reading …
Is your heart smarter than your head?
I heart not Stressing Most of us are stressed, and it gets old; our heart sags. (Waiting for your college letters much? That can wreck you-- so don't be wreck-bait.) But somehow you still get cool points for being the most stressed. Even though, somewhere deep inside, you know it ain't right. If you really want to stress yourself out, don’t let me stop you. You're still on the Cortisol Cruise. Go do something more stressful, like trying to keep my toddler from licking all the magnets he fished out from under the fridge. But if you're not so sure you want to feel stressed out all the time, and maybe the hamster wheel is giving you vertigo, read on. The key might be connecting with your own intelligent heart. Heart "Facts" I recently heard (in a long scientific-esque lecture on Le Youtube) that the heart shares a majority of its neurotransmitters with the brain--something like 60%. I don't believe everything I hear. And like most things biological, the picture is probably more complex than that fact alone signals. However, I like this one. In this age of loose facts, when the president decides not only who can vote and who can't, but also whether truth has any business in the executive branch-- I'll cherry-pick my facts. I'll critical think later. I invite you to do the same, just for the duration of this blog post. Because your heart, or so this doctor says... ...perceives 5 seconds faster than da' Brain. (Perceives what? Perceives how? Not sure, but I like where this is heading.). It knows some things first. I've felt this happen. Have you? So why not get in synch with your smarter organ? A heart coherence meditation Here’s a meditation geared for teens, for those moments when you are stressed and just want to come back home. My students love it. (Your parents can and should do it too-- here's a meditation for them.) The meditations take just a few minutes. Call a family meeting to try it out. Or do it by yourself in Continue Reading …