Helping Teens Explore Identities Every week, I teach personal essay writing to middle schoolers at The TEAK Fellowship, and I think a lot about how identities are formed. This week, I wanted to find an essay by a trans author for them to read. This is an identity marker many students--and many adults--still feel confused about. Confusion is not unhealthy; ignorance is. One job of a writer, and a teacher, and maybe just a decent person, is to do the work to clear ignorance cobwebs from our eyes. It can be messy. We need to see them I spend a lot of time with teens, listening to them, thinking about them and what they need. Whenever possible, I laugh with them, allowing them to poke fun at adults, myself included, our hypocrisies and short-comings. There's lots of material there. I read great essays from them on the ways we've not stacked up, everything from leaving water running while we brush our teeth (though we ask them not to) to insulting their weight (when they weren't upset about it) to berating them for getting F's without asking about their days. Their criticism is for a purpose, not superfluous. They are in the process of deciding which adult identities are worth growing into. That said, I believe more than ever, our teens need to see their teachers (and, frankly, as many adults in their world as possible) stand up against erasure and misbegotten hatred of individuals and groups. Our teens need to know, if it was them at risk, that their identity, their selves, would be protected, too. Seen. Celebrated, especially. Art for all our identities That's what art, and in particular the art of the personal essay, is for (or one of the things, anyway). When we write, we look into identity closely, to understand how a person comes to be themselves, what has shaped them. To share that through style and craft. To open yourself up to others. To transmute pain. No matter who teens are in the process of becoming, each needs to know they belong--somewhere Continue Reading …
State of Mind
What to do if you hate your college essay
If you hate your essay, that might not be a problem...you can't solve. I wrote about this topic for TeenLife Mag: "The realization might start to gnaw at you while you rewrite a draft, or slam into you while you are walking to class: I HATE my college essay! Now what? As your elementary school teacher might have cautioned, hate is a strong emotion. It is no fun to feel like you hate your college essay at any point, especially as nerve-wracking deadlines loom. And, the point of the essay is to make the college admissions committee fall in love with you and your incredible personality and distinctive writing style. Your stomach drops and you lose all hope of a bright future…. Despair not. Although it is not advisable to make any final decisions about your writing based on this feeling, you can look into your hatred to show you something true. Most often my students “hate” their essay drafts because they are posturing. The hate is actually BS-detection: They are not really saying what they wanted to, but what they thought they should. They are not using natural language, but stuffy vocabulary and contorted syntax. When they revise with honesty, the hate dissolves immediately." Read More here. Continue Reading …
Not what happened, but how you stress it
Reframing How We Talk About Stress A lot of college essay help is framed around reducing your stress-- guilty as charged. But maybe what I mean is: reducing your stress about your stress. A recent NYTimes article examined stress in young people and how we go the wrong route, as grown ups, when we try to protect them from it. All organisms, of which we are one, need some stress to stimulate growth, change and adaptation. It's good for mental and physical muscles. To a point. Continue Reading …
Process and Your College Essay
It's OK to want the product...just don't lose the LASTING value of your process! You don’t seek essay help generally if you don’t want a great product. That’s a given: the best you can get, with guidance. AND YOU SHOULD HAVE IT. But! You also are coming for the quality of the process. To be you, doing this hard thing, and to get the most out of it. Some students come to me already pumped to open their minds or draw their creativity up from the well, turn down the volume on their application anxiety, and make discoveries. Others have to be convinced that this process is the gold as much as the final essay product itself. I do know that paying attention to process, really caring, is a recipe for better flow and more interesting lines of thought. That is, a better essay. Paradox? Yup. Your College Essay IS a Process! Everyone wants a great college essay (product) out of their writing process--and why wouldn't you? But how many of us really pay attention to-- or care the most about-- our writing process itself? Nah, we hit SEND and let it go. How many months of work did it take to get you....to that? Let's shift perspective a bit and see. Don't be duped into loving your product more than your process As a culture, we are (too) happy to sacrifice process in favor of product. It's no secret, in fact, it's advertised everywhere: we don't value the time we spend doing something (process) nearly as much as what we end up with (product, thing with a price-tag on it). It's that all-American mindset of living for your retirement experience. That's capitalism--crapitalism-- for ya. It's easy to fall in that trap (product infatuation) even if you think you're not in the trap. For example, ever wished the week would hurry up and be over so you could get to the weekend (end goal)? Presto. DUPED. But what if you get hit by a bus first? My cynical side asks. And what about your week, is it just...useless filler between Saturdays? Worthless Continue Reading …
Essay Intensive Is Having A Baby
The Facts, Baby! Essay Intensive will be Doing Maternity for much of the summer-- we 're having a(nother) baby! Sometimes we're metaphorical...but this is literal. We are literally having a baby, sometime around Independence Day (because we appreciate irony). What does the Baby have to do with me? What does this mean for you? It means that for July our response time may be slower. Or we may refer you out to our talented colleagues for urgent writing support needs. Please contact us to inquire if we have room to work with you. Thank you! Meanwhile, we cherish you. Have a beautiful summer, and go write like your life depends on it. We are grateful to have a life filled with children (3, 11, 13 and....newly made). They keep us creative and questioning. They remind us that the future is literally in their growing hands. It can be really hard to be a person, and so we try to raise our own just like we do our business-- with love, integrity, honesty and a good dose of humor. Now, who would we be if we didn't give you a writing prompt? Prompt Write everything you know about your birth story, and any questions you have. What blanks need to be filled in? Do you see threads connecting how you were born to the rest of your life, as it's unfolded? If tangents arise, follow them. Continue Reading …
Free-writing to start your college essay
Benefits of free-writing for your college essay (and creative hygiene!) At this time of year, I start preaching Free-writing as the solution to starting your college essay. Starting, for most students, is the hardest part, and free-writing takes away this obstacle entirely. If you get in the habit of free-writing now you will: Have lots of material by the time you actually need to write an essay. Discover things about yourself-- always a plus. Have a technique to fall back on any time you get stuck in writing. These three things alone are more valuable to you over a life-time than even the most knock-out college essay! What is free-writing, again, and why should you care? Free-writing is what it sounds like, writing freely--or "automatically." Some people call it "stream of conscious" writing. The name is less important than the process. Free-writing to combat writer's block or fear of a crappy essay or thinking you have nothing to say is like jumping off a cliff when you are afraid of cold water below: you jump to address the fear and stalling, not after the fear has magically resolved. When you free-write, you just write, even (and especially) if you sincerely believe you have "NOTHING TO WRITE ABOUT" (I'll call this "NTWA" syndrome). ** NTWA Syndrome is the Big Lie your mind is telling you, when it forgets that it was born creative, and that it comes up with stuff all the time, incessantly. In fact, you can't really get your mind to have nothing going on if you deeply want to. But that's a different post. For now, if you feel NTWA syndrome, just tell yourself "BS! Life is my Material! Imma free-write my way outta this delusion!" Free-writing is a technique, not a hot mess or cheap self-help. So here's how to train yourself. I suggest doing so daily, and yes, I mean daily. Pick a time you'll stick to-- maybe a on a commute, maybe first thing when you wake up, when you think your brain is not really functioning (that state is a Continue Reading …