Parents Influence As parents, it's hard to figure out the right balance of influence and distance when your kid is writing the college essay(s). And like everything else parenting related, the perfect balance differs. But it's important to establish healthy and helpful bottom lines in your role and relationship. This week, I read an(other) NYTimes article about how admissions officers (90% of them?) can tell if the essay is written in the student's voice and style, or that of some much older adult-- often the parent. It's not foolproof-- some kids have mastered adult-ese. Or they purposefully write in an even more sophisticated way in the essay (it's called trying too hard?) than is natural for them. An adultered style (no pun intended) is especially common if a lot is at stake (college acceptance, anyone?) and the students are trying to be impressive. (As I have said elsewhere, the best way to be impressive is to....be impressive. That doesn't happen in a one-off.) Their passion is the point There are all kinds of ethical issues with parents picking or heavily influencing the essay topic and its execution. But one of the biggest is: the raw passion isn't there. Spend 10 minutes with adolescents asking them about what they love, what moves or bothers them, what is really on their mind, and you are met with a slew of passionate speech. That same passion will not and cannot be there if their parents have fed them a topic about which they don't feel equally strong. Remember, your student might really really really want to please you, the parent, or at least not disappoint. BUT THE RESULTS WILL NOT HAVE THAT SPECIAL FEELING OF THE REAL KID. Yes, all writing is a produced self. But, no, not all writing is photoshopped to fit in well with the family portrait. Agendas are obstacles. You have one, I have one, students have one. Mostly-- you want your kid to be liked. To shine out as special, but not to take too big a risk that might cost Continue Reading …
passion
How to wait for your college letter
Don’t (just) wait for those college admissions letters Are you caught up in the Big Wait, so your college admissions letters can determine your self-worth and direction? Are you just trying to kill time until Spring when those (crap, they are totally going to reject me) letters arrive? Nah. Nah-nah. You never know how it’s going to go. The admissions process is more arbitrary than you'd like. We have less control than we wish (over, well, everything). Accepted? Rejected? Why would you give all your power away to those labels? You've got more that that, I know it. Also-- poll your peers in college: even if you get into the school you're hoping desperately for, you STILL might not get what you thought you wanted (transfer apps, anyone?). So what can you do for the next four agonizing, god awful, interminable months, while you wait for your letters? A-ha! Refuse to live in anything but the now (pretty bad-ass, pretty hard) You can lean away from the collective anxiety. Be adamant about your right to be in this moment fully. It's a human right. It's annoying to hear and exhilarating to realize. The very best thing you can do in this waiting period is not wait at all. Instead, ask yourself what makes you want to go to college in the first place. Feed the person you wish to become. Guides to action are proliferating across the internet right now. Here's mine, for you: Ways to Not Just Wait (for Spring, or anything) Really give a crap about what your (good) teachers are saying. Learn as much from them as you can. Forgive your bad teachers. They don't know the damage they do, but you can be grateful to them as material for your writing and as counterexample. Ask your parents stuff. Learn about your family history. Push for details; listen with open mind. Challenge yourself. Not for that admissions brag sheet, not because anyone's looking. Just because. Not feeling school? Learn something online. This is the internet, a Continue Reading …