Give It Up for Rejection Raise your hand if you love rejection, y'all! How about a letter, formally letting you know you've been rejected? How about rejection from that one college you really thought was a safety, or that other one that held all your elaborate dreams in its gated grip? Seth Godin to the Rescue This week, I went on a Seth Godin blog binge. I recommend it: he takes unlikely, creative positions on the most common topics, and I needed some unlikely thinking, because changing baby diapers gets predictable. Luckily, I found Seth's very very smart, tart and brief post on how there is no sense in reading between the lines of a rejection letter because there is nothing there. Usually when we get rejected, our inner critic goes on a criticism carnival. Tears apart the language for truth. Or we snuff out its snide remarks with a vice of choice. Or we assume, dungeon door clanging shut, that the rest of our lives will have all the worth of soiled diapers. A Tale of No and Yes Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time there was a girl-- no, not me, but related to me. She was told by her (prestigious, infamous independent) high school's headmaster, who was an Intellectual Giant and known well by adcoms, that she could piss on a piece of paper and get into her then dream school, XX College. Well, she didn't take him literally (she had common sense), but she did apply with the goal in mind that if piss alone could get her in, surely prose and a nice academic track record would more than guarantee her spot. Wrong. The rejection letter hurt worse than bladder surgery, to push the metaphor. Not only did she not get admitted to XX PISS-ME-THERE College, but she didn't get into any of the other schools on her list either-- reach or safety, realistic or aspirational. Except one. We'll call it: School WTF? A school she'd added as after-thought. A school in which she had no interest; a school which, had she had any choice, would Continue Reading …
college essay
Face Your Inner Teenager
What's your Inner Teenager telling you? Even the most docile teenager, which I'd say I was (though my mom might put it otherwise), has a reactive streak, the impulse to reject or explode or "take things personally" that seems to come from nowhere. It's the reactivity of the teen that seems to get under the skin of their grown-ups. And the grown-up's inner teenager jumps into the ring. Especially when there is an important, high-stakes task to be completed (college essay, anyone?) for which the full-grown adult feels ultimately responsible and maybe overly-invested. Add to that the teen's fluctuation between grandiose self-importance (feeling the center of the universe-- because individuation sometimes requires laser focus) and tough plummets in self-esteem (feeling like the outcast of the universe--when someone's comment sent you headlong into self-loathing) and you have a cocktail for colossal arguments. The crux of the problem is with our own blind spots Turns out the crux of the problems might lie not with the teen, but in getting their full-grown adults (guardians, parents, care-givers) to embrace their inner teenager-- or rather, the inner truths that having a teenager around can force us to face. Some of the interpersonal conflict teens are blamed for might actually come from adults needing to be more introspective and honest about our feelings about our lives. In other words, you teens are smart, and onto something we full-grown adults just might need some of. Our discoveries could and should happen in tandem. Cutting-edge Neuroscience Says So! Luckily, smart neuroscientists and psychologists like Dr. Dan Siegel are doing some radical investigation of the teen brain. And what we're learning not only redeems (yup!) some of these behaviors, but let's us know that the reason for the adults getting so triggered lies as much with their own sense of self as with the teen's ___________ (fill in the blank-- insolence, mood swings, brashness, Continue Reading …
Crappy Moods, Comedians, and the Writer’s Cure
Crappy moods: they happen. (Reader, are you straight-jacket-ed by a particularly crappy mood currently? Cut right to this Louis CK cure. Road-test the comedians' corrective. And come back to read the rest of this later.) Crappy moods are like reverse rainbows, showing up when weather conditions are darkly unfavorable in inner or outer environment or both. At their best, crappy moods facilitate discharge of the nastier emotions. and move on. You know the drill: kick your drawer shut, and break your own toe in the process. Slam household items around. Be snappy at those you love. Mope and mull. It's not usually a pretty picture. But Crappy Moods sometimes settle in like shower mildew, and can put a serious cramp in your creativity. Comedians: they help. Your Crappy Mood is an orchard ripe for picking for comedians, who can find the humor in anything-- the less seemingly funny it is, the better. Your irrational or irritable behavior is already slightly ridiculous to anyone who's not you. A comedian laughs not just with you, but at you. And you'll want them to. Because then you'll have to laugh at yourself, and this is the healthiest way to return to creativity, sanity, and general equilibrium. Let Joan Rivers explain Joan Rivers told Larry King, "I purposely go into areas that people are still very sensitive about and smarting about, because if you can laugh at it, you can deal with it. That's how I've lived my whole life. I swear to you - and I'm Jewish - that if I were in Auschwitz, I would have been doing jokes just to make it OK for us." But to deal with it, you have to know that it's there in the first place. Crap Under the Radar Crappy moods happen more frequently and more fiercely when something is bugging us just under the radar of our awareness. Some unaddressed stressor, or maybe a small mountain of them. Some factor out of our control, like whether or not-- emphasis on not-- our writing is universally loved. Or, more to the point Continue Reading …
Featured Student Writing in The Cornell Sun
His writing put the R in Rising To be fair, Jeremiah--a rising senior with emphasis on the word Rising-- didn't need a lot of help from me, his college essay writing coach at JPMorgan Chase The Fellowship Initiative (TFI) to write effective essays. Rather, confident prose seemed to rise up out of him. He was a writer, a deep and global thinker, and the kind of kid who, if it was the only quiet spot, did his homework in the bathroom. He put the self in self-motivated. And because of his circumstances at home, he did a lot of writing in the bathroom. Which might already tell you enough. Unlike many of my students, who face self-doubt, procrastination, or writer's block, he did not need that much prompting to produce his college essay -- he had a story in mind and banged out his personal statement with determination. And fancy subordinate clauses. He is the kind of kid who you can be sure will reach his goals-- ruthlessly, if he has to. And by the time he gets there, he'll have new, bigger goals that supplanted the earlier visions. His writing never shies away from these dreams. He comes from a tight family where education is central. where philosophy is part of parenting and excellence is expected, no matter what. As featured in The Cornell Sun So by qualification and persistence, he made it to Cornell University, but what happened there is the real juice I can't disclose here. I am featuring his writing, a recent article in the Cornell Sun. His article shows that strong writing and game-changing thinking go hand in hand. Such probing as you'll find in his text are what words are for, and the opportunities they create in the hands of young people. Words can lift the dust of complacency, and open the avenues of the mind and heart that can, and should, lead to critical reflection and compassionate action. Thanks for the opportunity to feature your writing, Jeremiah. He can be reached for causes big and small or to answer Continue Reading …
Gratitude Glasses
Why put a limit on gratitude? One day each year we're told by the calendar to feel grateful. But this shortchanges what gratitude can do for you, if you practice it beyond the national holiday. In short, gratitude gives everything in your life an upgrade. It makes you a bad-ass in the face of set-backs; It makes you not an ass in the face of great good fortune. And you can make it part of your daily routine, if you're hoping to live a rich existence. And of course we're going to say it has benefits for your college essay (it really does) and your appeal to admissions officers (positivity is attractive). But that is just the beginning of how this feeling and virtue can alter your perspective and prospects for the better. Gratitude's brag sheet Gratitude opens you to what is, rather than what isn't. Gratitude allows you to appreciate, rather than depreciate, your life as it is. Gratitude is anti-consumerism-- it doesn't need more, it always has enough. Gratitude is knowing even the chance to apply to college, the know-how to get through even the simplest application, spells opportunity and privilege. Compare this with the education models available elsewhere in the world and you'll resent the effort a little less. Gratitude is simple-- you can exercise is towards anything. You can be grateful you can read these words, breathe, drink water, pee...no, really, the list never runs out. It's actually inexhaustible. Gratitude gives you a second chance when there is a shit-storm. When things don't go "your way." When you-- if you-- get rejected. When you-- if you---get accepted. Gratitude gains you positivity The chain works like this: Gratitude induces positive feelings where more are needed or where there aren't any. Positive feelings set your nervous system at ease. Positive feelings lower baseline stress. A nervous system at ease is solution-oriented. A nervous system at ease believes things can or will be OK. There is science to Continue Reading …
Why You? Why Me! Tackling Supplemental Essays
Admit it: you, me, and possibly everyone else thinks the college application supplemental essays sometimes suck, and so you may be leaving them to tackle last, after your core essay is polished and powerful. Then (now!) you face a daunting sucky pile. But as is true for the rest of the application process, supplemental essays don't have to make you gag, stall, and then use hyperbole to compensate. It's up to you to make them work, and worth your time to do so, since many students have upward of twenty to write. Here are our tips on writing these essays successfully. First, why do they suck (and merit such a low-brow verb)? Because the supplemental essays violate an important maxim: Ask a good question, get a good answer. Unfortunately, the supplemental essay questions are often dry, and so get your dry responses. And the human urge to spout grand life plans and BS a bit. Students often get trapped responding to the "Why Our School?" essay, which can require anywhere from a painful 150 to a brutal 500 words, with one of the following unsuccessful moves: Copy-pasting text from the school's website (I think they may have read that already). Sharing your grand Life Plans (think ALL CAPS). Spewing a healthy load of BS praise ("This school has a STUPENDOUS anthropology program!!!!"). The issue with each of these approaches is: You told them what they already know. (But they are really glad you took the time to Ctrl-X, Ctrl-V). Your long-term ambitions and Big Dreams are not as relevant or important here as your immediate ambitions and actions. BS cannot sound like anything but BS. Admissions officers are hired for their BS detectors. Also, Schools are not like dogs-- they are not hoping for your praise. You are hoping for theirs. Luckily, we can call on a powerful, effective and simple recipe to get us through-- since we are stuck with these supplemental essay questions for now (Hallelujah to U Chicago, and the other schools Continue Reading …