The "Grandma Essay" Everyone Warns You About...Is Not what you think! I'm writing to tell you a story. This story ends with a college essay that became a eulogy. It was a topic no-no turned yes-yes: the "grandma essay" your counselor warned you about. But this story started as a young, earnest kid, J, clutched a pencil, and tried to tell me, like every other gritty kid I coach has told me, that he is determined. Show me, I said. Tell me a story that shows me. Or maybe it started differently. Maybe we were eating sandwiches while we worked together, sifting through his life, looking for particulars, and he mentioned how his grandma only liked her chicken sandwich this one particular way. Uh-oh, he said "grandma." Cue the sentimental violin chorus. Now, how a person likes a sandwiches can reveal a lot about personality-- it's true. But an applicant is supposed to be careful not to focus too much on other family members in the personal essay-- right? Right, guys? And we ALL KNOW "the grandma essay" is soggy toilet paper of a topic, right? (Even if I'm personally a sucker for the elderly). But my interest came from somewhere else. My interest was peaked because of the look in his eye, the flicker that showed me that one comment about grandma had sent him to some gold-nugget inner place. Continue Reading …
Wisdom
How to take care of yourself right now
25 ways to take care of yourself this fall It's fall. It's frenetic. It's college application season for you or your kids or your students. It's hard to do it all. To take care of yourself feels like a luxury item that gets tossed with last year's papers. But still, you've got to take care of yourself or game over. Any of the suggestions on our list will be a perk, a plus. Pick and choose: aim to keep your body, mind and heart healthier-- and hopefully less bat-shit crazy-- as you move through coming months. Continue Reading …
Use the Present for your essay conclusion
Where does the present fit in to your college essay? During the application process, you need to think and talk about your past-- where you came from, how you got this way-- and the future-- where you're headed, what you hope for. It's never bad to take stock like this, even if, in four years, your thinking is completely different. But the present has a very important role to play in your essay content, so read on. Good storytelling (which you should definitely practice in your essay) allows for flexible or fluid interpretation. No one will chase you down with your college essay when you are 25 and doing something completely different from what you predicted and say, "BUT YOU SAID IT WAS LIKE THIS?! YOU SAID YOU WANTED/CARED ABOUT THIS!" Don't worry about reducing your future to one personal quality or goal. Instead, stay present. What does that mean? It's kinda simple. You can't just write about that important thing that happened to you and call the essay done. Tune into yourself, and use the last third of your essay to show your reader what you're like, now. How that important event or story relates to your current self--your actions, engagements, and mindset. Make Your Past Relevant to the Present Your entire past led up to this moment, this person, this character-- you. You picked just a slice of it to share with your readers, and in a well-told story you highlighted something about yourself, some personal characteristic you made real for us, worthy of our attention. But how is that trait an important part of your life, right this very minute? For example: were you a picky kid, who didn't like to wear socks in the winter, or who wanted notebooks of only a certain color? Well, maybe the present you has a high tolerance for adverse weather, or loves things other people find challenging, or has a fine sense of design, or maybe you advise those other kids who never seem to know what to buy (that was me, thank you!), and that's your Continue Reading …
Stay Present
"Stay present!" And other grating advice... "Stay Present!" has become an instruction as common as "drink your water." Such common things are sooooo easy to ignore. It's valuable to take another real look. The most common things of all (like the Common App? like Air? Like, dare I say it, subtle kindness and subtle cruelties) are often incredibly important, but they don't catch your attention automatically. Unlike, say, that absolutely aware Meerkat, pictured above. (The Meerkat is eye-candy for your odd-animal spot. If you have one.) Reader, you may not even be 17 years-old yet, hoping your college essay will magically start (or finish) itself. Or maybe you're a parent of a kid applying to college. You've surely heard people say "stay present" or its cousin instruction, "be in the moment." Maybe you don't want to hear any more generic advice. To stay present is a virtue (in some circles), and it's not easy. But it will enrich everything. No, really. My Present is Your Present (and I'm bad at writing subheadings, so bear with me!) While I write (and rewrite and rewrite and rewrite) this one blog post, and attempt to do what I am writing about, I can hear my husband, stepsons, and 15 month-old in the boys' bedroom, jamming out to Otis Redding's "(Sittin' On) The Dock of the Bay."-- "wastin' time" (Listen to Otis, he's so smooth. In a moment of total affection for his songs, I once told a student he was my dad. The student replied, "That's so cool!" Hmmmm.). When your aim is to "stay present", Otis croons, sometimes you have to just sit there. In our case: Sit with your self. Sit with your essay. Dig into the wildly mundane, wildly telling moment of... right now. Even if your "right now" feels pretty lame, pretty empty, pretty challenged. You get to cut right through that stuff. To the essence. The essence is NOT lame, is NOT challenged. The essence is something about yourself-- about all of us-- my present, your present, The Present-- Continue Reading …
Paying Attention (to Freewriting)
If you've been paying attention, you know we think free-writing is THE way to start your college essay. But unexpectedly I came across some sage advice on how NOT to begin your essay, which I'll pass onto you. (Don't fret-- it leads right back to free-writing.) Being Bored, Lazy, Trivial and Proud: that's how not to write your college essay. Paying attention? Got that? Need a sharper voice to tell you so? Sit up and listen to these words from poet Frank O'Hara. Or better: read them out loud. Don’t be bored, don’t be lazy, don’t be trivial, and don’t be proud. The slightest loss of attention leads to death. — Frank O’Hara, 1964 Did he say death? He said death! To avoid such certain death, here are some free-writing exercises to set your observer free. Your medicine is...Your attention! And what simple steps must you take? Pay it! (Don't worry: your doctor would approve.) (And the admissions committee would definitely approve, because they are SO bored of being bored!) Your inner observer can do the work There is nothing better you can do for your college essay success (or your writing voice, period) than to liberate your honest inner observer. Who's that? Glad you asked. It's the little voice inside you that knows--or could know-- what you're really like. Where you shine, where you falter, where you are (join the club, membership free) unmistakably human. Let's look at this quote again, then complete all or some of the prompts below. Don’t be bored, don’t be lazy, don’t be trivial, and don’t be proud. The slightest loss of attention leads to death. — Frank O’Hara, 1964 Free-Writing Prompts: Reflect on something from your life that makes you: 1) bored, 2) lazy, 3) trivial and 4) proud. (One example for each, please, and using as much detail as possible) Reflect on something that makes you sit up and pay attention. Voluntarily (say, Simone Biles) or involuntarily (say, gunshots). Speculate: how could you cross the Continue Reading …
End-of-life perspective on your college essay
Shift your perspective from "I'm gonna die!" to "End of life" insight Probably the last thing on your mind while writing your college essay is your end-of-life perspective. Now, it's also true that, while working on your college applications, you might catch yourself saying things like: "I am gonna DIE from this stress!" or "I will DIE if I don't get into XYZ school!" But actually: you won't die. You are being figurative. (And here's some comic relief for you. Go laugh.) However, at the very moment you swear, "This workload is killing me" (no, no it isn't), many people actually are dying. And the dying frequently say painfully honest, instructive things. We're going to mix it up a bit. Take a break from the pressure and anxiety of the application process. Consider instead the refreshing and challenging vantage dying people can offer-- all of us. End-of-life influence on your essay Your college essay, if it's to be anything other than a hurdle and obligation, is an opportunity to get honest in that same way. This 650-word spotlight on you gives you unique opportunity to look closely at your life, let go of what isn't working (on the page and off), and to say something fresh. Something that at your end-of-life self might give a high-five. Kerry Egan, essayists and end-of-life chaplain, culls some brilliant advice from the dying here. It's advice in the form of their wistfulness, of their regret. Most wish they could have listened to their inner impulses and just loved themselves, their bodies. For whatever those bodies were, for all that those bodies did. Read their words, and soak in them. A love like that Can your personal essay be an act of rebellious love? Why not? What if you adopt this end-of-life perspective, and love yourself, truly? Your one and only body, the service it does for you and others? Can you even include in that love whatever is wrong with you, or whatever other people say is wrong with you, and Continue Reading …