“He Doesn’t Know Me”: What Makes a Dad? A Personal Essay I got out of the car so that he could find parking. The tension between us was so thick, you could cut it with a knife. My father and I had been at each other’s throats for weeks. I didn’t like the way he treated me and he was sick of hearing me talk about it. Looking at it now, it amuses me that he believed that a pair of sneakers and a trip to Chipotle would make it all better. A part of me wanted to believe that our relationship would improve. That he wouldn’t forget my birthday and that he wouldn’t forget the days that he was supposed to come and visit. But I knew that it wasn’t going to change. One lunch wasn’t going to fix anything. Even though I was 11, I already knew that the damage had become irreversible. We entered Chipotle and I immediately smelled the aroma of guacamole. It was particularly busy and there was almost nowhere to sit. There was a sense of joy in the room, something that didn’t exist between me and my father. I walked over to the only empty table, while he ordered our food. There was a small puddle of hot sauce left by the last customer who didn’t have the decency to clean it up. I took a brown napkin from the dispenser and wiped it away, restoring the table to its shiny, silver condition. He walked over with a blank expression on his face as he placed our food on the table. I said, “Thank you,” but there was no response. My father stared at me from across the circular metal table with his cold dark brown eyes. The light bounced off the middle of his sweaty, bald caramel-colored head. Part of his chest tattoo was visible through his white t-shirt. He scratched his stubble before beginning to unwrap his burrito. We ate in silence for about five minutes until he got bored and decided to stir the pot. “I don’t like your hair that way,” he said in a harsh tone. “Sorry, but it’s not your hair so why does it matter?” I asked. “You are my child and I don’t like your Continue Reading …
Wisdom
Is your heart smarter than your head?
I heart not Stressing Most of us are stressed, and it gets old; our heart sags. (Waiting for your college letters much? That can wreck you-- so don't be wreck-bait.) But somehow you still get cool points for being the most stressed. Even though, somewhere deep inside, you know it ain't right. If you really want to stress yourself out, don’t let me stop you. You're still on the Cortisol Cruise. Go do something more stressful, like trying to keep my toddler from licking all the magnets he fished out from under the fridge. But if you're not so sure you want to feel stressed out all the time, and maybe the hamster wheel is giving you vertigo, read on. The key might be connecting with your own intelligent heart. Heart "Facts" I recently heard (in a long scientific-esque lecture on Le Youtube) that the heart shares a majority of its neurotransmitters with the brain--something like 60%. I don't believe everything I hear. And like most things biological, the picture is probably more complex than that fact alone signals. However, I like this one. In this age of loose facts, when the president decides not only who can vote and who can't, but also whether truth has any business in the executive branch-- I'll cherry-pick my facts. I'll critical think later. I invite you to do the same, just for the duration of this blog post. Because your heart, or so this doctor says... ...perceives 5 seconds faster than da' Brain. (Perceives what? Perceives how? Not sure, but I like where this is heading.). It knows some things first. I've felt this happen. Have you? So why not get in synch with your smarter organ? A heart coherence meditation Here’s a meditation geared for teens, for those moments when you are stressed and just want to come back home. My students love it. (Your parents can and should do it too-- here's a meditation for them.) The meditations take just a few minutes. Call a family meeting to try it out. Or do it by yourself in Continue Reading …
Do something amazing, make amazing things
Here are some people who are actively doing creative things that are elevating and amazing. Because sometimes we need to focus on what's life-affirming (and not this crappy political morass). The force of the imagination can open a tightened chest. Check out three these mighty real folks: Three Amazing Artists with a message My former student, Jordan Hiraldo, who made it out of a tough childhood on the streets of New York City. He realized by keeping his ear to the local scene, he could do something amazing with his lens and capture artists in their everyday hustle. Because, let's face it, we have to hustle. Check him out here. My colleague, teacher, friend, Holly Wren Spaudling, whose off-grid childhood primed her for a life of inquiry and poetry as inoculation against cultural madness. Check her out here. My guide Maya Angelou, whose childhood trauma left her elective mute at 7 years-old. She found her voice again only after a savvy poetry teacher refused to listen to her work if she wouldn't read it aloud. Here is Maya's insistent message to young people: "You are all we have." Listen to the whole journey here. (Get your tissues/snot sleeve ready!). Prompt Yourself Up How about you, amazing person? What creative impulse runs through you, and how can you let it all hang out-- like, now? (Because I can't keep listening to these confirmation hearings, it's killing me, I'd rather look at anything even remotely amazing that you make-- yes, you, really). How has your childhood shaped you? How have your unique conditions given you a unique eye-- and what does that eye see? What have you made lately? Can you reach for some materials now and release your imagination, just because? How will you be part of setting us all free? These are the questions that art can often answer better than fact alone. Do something amazing, and show it to us. The world needs this everyday. Continue Reading …
Read this, then write yours: Letter to Change Lives
A Letter to Guide Us Essay intensive didn't really know what to say after the election results came in. We couldn't even write you a letter defending you, whoever you are, or properly post our views. We had whiplash and tried to cure it by staring straight into the maelstrom of social media. Then, we went right to the feet of the most articulate person we know: Martin Luther King Jr. (He's a close friend). Just so happened we teach his "Letter from Birmingham Jail" every year, and on Nov 8th we were right in the middle of its protest and panacea. From WTF to Why This Fortunate? King's"Letter from Birmingham Jail" should be read in every school, jail, and waiting room. He used ignorant criticism of his work against racism, materialism, and cancerous bigotry as a chance for extreme creativity. His opponents (in the CHURCH, mind you) handed it to him. They asked that King-- who they labeled an "outsider" and "agitator" who should mind his own business-- to puh-lease let racism proceed at its merry awful pace in Birmingham. King could not concede. Well let me just write this one letter first... In pristine, respectful response, in a public letter, King laid out his entire non-violent resistance platform and its historical necessity. Opportunity is wherever you decide to find it King took opposition as opportunity. The result, started on bits of toilet paper from his jail cell where he was serving time for the truly demonic offense of "parading without a permit" (sound familiar?), is one of the most important documents of our time. If and only if you'd like to know how to write well, mastering what grammar, syntax and allusion can accomplish, elevate discourse with your oppressors to hold them to their highest selves (which may not exist-- this is where the imagination is handy), logically lay out an exhaustive plan for achieving common humanity. If you don't, look elsewhere. Maybe at cat videos. What King's Letter Made Continue Reading …
But what if? (How to revise a worldview in 2 minutes)
What would happen if we chose to...? (an exercise in possible "What if's" as modeled by thought leader Seth Godin) Say what we mean, without being mean Treat each day as an experiment, not an exam Remember that everyone was a helpless baby, once Trust that our actions ripple outwards indefinitely Wear kind-colored glasses Find unusual role models Have hearts first, brains second Assume we don't know what it took for each person to make it this far Continue Reading …
“Grandma Essay” or College Essay As Eulogy?
The "Grandma Essay" Everyone Warns You About...Is Not what you think! I'm writing to tell you a story. This story ends with a college essay that became a eulogy. It was a topic no-no turned yes-yes: the "grandma essay" your counselor warned you about. But this story started as a young, earnest kid, J, clutched a pencil, and tried to tell me, like every other gritty kid I coach has told me, that he is determined. Show me, I said. Tell me a story that shows me. Or maybe it started differently. Maybe we were eating sandwiches while we worked together, sifting through his life, looking for particulars, and he mentioned how his grandma only liked her chicken sandwich this one particular way. Uh-oh, he said "grandma." Cue the sentimental violin chorus. Now, how a person likes a sandwiches can reveal a lot about personality-- it's true. But an applicant is supposed to be careful not to focus too much on other family members in the personal essay-- right? Right, guys? And we ALL KNOW "the grandma essay" is soggy toilet paper of a topic, right? (Even if I'm personally a sucker for the elderly). But my interest came from somewhere else. My interest was peaked because of the look in his eye, the flicker that showed me that one comment about grandma had sent him to some gold-nugget inner place. Continue Reading …