What's your Inner Teenager telling you? Even the most docile teenager, which I'd say I was (though my mom might put it otherwise), has a reactive streak, the impulse to reject or explode or "take things personally" that seems to come from nowhere. It's the reactivity of the teen that seems to get under the skin of their grown-ups. And the grown-up's inner teenager jumps into the ring. Especially when there is an important, high-stakes task to be completed (college essay, anyone?) for which the full-grown adult feels ultimately responsible and maybe overly-invested. Add to that the teen's fluctuation between grandiose self-importance (feeling the center of the universe-- because individuation sometimes requires laser focus) and tough plummets in self-esteem (feeling like the outcast of the universe--when someone's comment sent you headlong into self-loathing) and you have a cocktail for colossal arguments. The crux of the problem is with our own blind spots Turns out the crux of the problems might lie not with the teen, but in getting their full-grown adults (guardians, parents, care-givers) to embrace their inner teenager-- or rather, the inner truths that having a teenager around can force us to face. Some of the interpersonal conflict teens are blamed for might actually come from adults needing to be more introspective and honest about our feelings about our lives. In other words, you teens are smart, and onto something we full-grown adults just might need some of. Our discoveries could and should happen in tandem. Cutting-edge Neuroscience Says So! Luckily, smart neuroscientists and psychologists like Dr. Dan Siegel are doing some radical investigation of the teen brain. And what we're learning not only redeems (yup!) some of these behaviors, but let's us know that the reason for the adults getting so triggered lies as much with their own sense of self as with the teen's ___________ (fill in the blank-- insolence, mood swings, brashness, Continue Reading …
Questions
For a flawless college essay, use your flaws
For a flawless college essay, use your flaws- wisely. (We're not actually sure anything is "flawless"-- but humor us.) "But don't I want colleges to think I have No Flaws?" you might object cautiously. No! It's a sign of maturity to know and name your flaws, and then treat them as opportunity for growth (crucial!). That, in short, is learning! And colleges want applicants committed to learning. So here's how to use what you've got for what you want to get. (Admitted. Admit it.). What should you do with your flaws to tell a good story and also showcase your strengths? Well first, notice your flaws. Honestly. Start by watching your mind for 1-5 minutes. Set a timer, close your eyes and observe "your" thoughts go by like rush-hour traffic. Examine their content objectively: errors in judgment about yourself or others; weak places in your character that could use reinforcement. Insecurities and doubts. Find the right story: Ask yourself what anecdotes or events from your life--don't overlook the small stuff!-- could inform your reader how you're working with and through these flaws. If you're timid, did you finally get up the nerve to ask your boss for a raise? If you're easily overwhelmed, did you regain balance through service, by sorting cans for a food bank? And now what? Another approach: look at the flawed world and make analogies Many of us have an easier time looking outside than inside ourselves. If that describes you, I suggest you start by using the above technique anyway (watch your mind). Then try commenting on the flaws in the world as a mirror to look inward for similar themes. Plus, this approach works your observation and "critical eye" muscles. And gives you material to be snarky about. Read this example from my life; then try your own. I start with the context: There is a sub-par Indian restaurant near my house; they do so much of their business take-out that they will basically pay you to eat the place. To Continue Reading …
Why You? Why Me! Tackling Supplemental Essays
Admit it: you, me, and possibly everyone else thinks the college application supplemental essays sometimes suck, and so you may be leaving them to tackle last, after your core essay is polished and powerful. Then (now!) you face a daunting sucky pile. But as is true for the rest of the application process, supplemental essays don't have to make you gag, stall, and then use hyperbole to compensate. It's up to you to make them work, and worth your time to do so, since many students have upward of twenty to write. Here are our tips on writing these essays successfully. First, why do they suck (and merit such a low-brow verb)? Because the supplemental essays violate an important maxim: Ask a good question, get a good answer. Unfortunately, the supplemental essay questions are often dry, and so get your dry responses. And the human urge to spout grand life plans and BS a bit. Students often get trapped responding to the "Why Our School?" essay, which can require anywhere from a painful 150 to a brutal 500 words, with one of the following unsuccessful moves: Copy-pasting text from the school's website (I think they may have read that already). Sharing your grand Life Plans (think ALL CAPS). Spewing a healthy load of BS praise ("This school has a STUPENDOUS anthropology program!!!!"). The issue with each of these approaches is: You told them what they already know. (But they are really glad you took the time to Ctrl-X, Ctrl-V). Your long-term ambitions and Big Dreams are not as relevant or important here as your immediate ambitions and actions. BS cannot sound like anything but BS. Admissions officers are hired for their BS detectors. Also, Schools are not like dogs-- they are not hoping for your praise. You are hoping for theirs. Luckily, we can call on a powerful, effective and simple recipe to get us through-- since we are stuck with these supplemental essay questions for now (Hallelujah to U Chicago, and the other schools Continue Reading …
In your college essay, include the present
There's more to the story of You Sometimes, you can get so focused on "telling your story" in your college essay that you forget to include a strong portrait of the current you, your present self, with your present aspirations. So don't be surprised when we pitch "meditation"; it's the amp to your music, optimizing everything you do and bringing out your best, now. Which is exactly what you want to show schools. Take a big breath. Who's breathing? Sounds like a ridiculous question, yup. But-- it's You. Yes, YOU! This you is the person colleges are saying YES to. The one they want to meet and to know. When colleges accept you, they are banking on your future, not your past. Right now is the path to the future What you are doing with your time, energy, and enthusiasm right now is a better predictor of what you will be doing in one, two, or ten years (when your alma mater can brag that you are its graduate) than any story you might tell. Why? Because it's what all that story stuff has led to, the young adult person choosing a direction (or many) in the world. So your core stories are still key, are still your power vehicle for showing your strongest personal qualities and what has shaped you...but don't drop the potato there. In your essay, point toward the future, and be real What are you up to right now? What matters to you, what are you committed to, what are your short and long terms aspiration? (We all know those can change: that's fine.) These questions help you define your present and point towards your future. Plus, it's great for self-knowledge Asking these question leads to greater self-knowledge-- something colleges look for in applicants. But it's not a service you can pay someone else for, Kaplan doesn't have bubble sheets to help you get there; it's DIY, develop-it-yourself, through introspection, and it's a premium quality of good leaders. Not sure how to get started on self-knowledge quest? We recommend basic meditation, Continue Reading …
The real secret value hiding in your college application
Best chance at college application success = Give your perspective a tune-up! Adjusting how you see the enormous, time-consuming college application process-- from writing your name on a million forms to submitting your last supplemental essay-- will add positive value as fast as neurons can fire. Which is pretty fast. Here's why we're all about doing this. The status quo when our Hero begins to question things: For too many students, the college application process is something to just "get through." Does this sound like you? Do you see its value only as a means to a coveted end-- Higher Ed, baby!? Well, guess what? For too many adults, life is a string of things you just have to "get through." It's a means to an end, too. What end? Don't ask. Ugh! Junior year, standardized tests are you regular weekend dates, and college applications (and all that writing) loom. By the end of the summer before senior year, you're feeling dread, mixed with some anticipation. Senior year fall, you're clobbered. And, then, finally, after some sucky months, you've submitted everything, and you get temporary relief. That is, until you near the deadline for results, when you're an anxious mess again, your self-worth trashed if you don't get the acceptance letters you wanted or expected. Sounds like the opposite of fun, no? Our hero is feeling a little defeated in advance. His wings are wet. Her magic sandals have broken straps. And what if the results aren't what you hoped for, since we all know it's a big gamble? Since you really can't control the outcome? Isn't there a better way to go through this rite of passage than as a stress-ball? Don't you want even more value out of your college application? Our hero gets a hunch: For a happier you, redefine the work ahead YEP! A happier you-- a more functional, present and energetic you-- will be the result of challenging this paradigm. Start right now. Right. Now. Most students view their college application and Continue Reading …
Is your heart in your college essay?
College application season means advice and anxiety come at you from all corners. It's easy to lose heart. Are you able to spend time wondering (not worrying, but wondering) about the future, or are your days too crammed with test prep, school projects, responsibilities at home? Are you trying to crunch a bunch of facts and make them add up to your "dream school" or "reach school" or "safety school"? (Or you trying to visualize the next chapter of your life based on what attracts you, what challenges you, what pushes you, what makes you feel at ease?) Are you trying to declare that you already know what you want to study, so that you can go ahead and be convincing and study it? Hold on. You know that deflated feeling when your crush likes someone else? You know that deflated feeling when you are hungry and stuck on a subway? You know that deflated feeling when your parents want you to talk to a distant elderly relative about how school is going? That's the feeling that happens to us when we don't listen to our hearts. Luckily we can always reboot. Continue Reading …