A story about dying is always a familiar story, right? The ultimate change challenge? “They are dying!” I said, like this was a surprise or needed pointing out. The daffodils, poster girls for Spring, now looked like used latex gloves* on stubbornly green stems. My mother gave us the bunch early in self-isolation, soon after New York City had gone into lockdown. She cut them from the ruthless crop in her yard, as she did every spring when they briefly appeared. When my husband dropped off ice cream and Lysol spray (pandemic essentials), she sent them home for us--my husband, our 22 month old and our 4 year old-- to bring the outside in. The daffodils made me cry because they work. They are the symbol of arrival and transience, and they live and die boldly and quickly. They were also, very simply, from my mother. At that moment, my belly was ribboned with anxiety that she and my father, too, were facing imminent COVID transience. I imagined what so many are experiencing: final separation from us in an overwhelmed and handicapped hospital system. The fear for my parents, the longing to cling, flared up: is it ridiculous cling to summer’s bounty when autumn has already dusted the trees of their leaves? For how long can you save that last blueberry before it shrivels? But despite my contrafactual wish otherwise, die the daffodils did. I did not want to look at a dying thing on my table but I equally did not want to throw them out. Problem. Turn it into Art & Make Your Meaning So I dried them. I turned them upside down, bound their stems with a rubber band, and hung them from a random nail on the wall with a garbage twisty-tie. Their vibrant yellow faded, their vibrant green went dormant inside an unremarkable brown. But they did not rot, and they became something else beautiful. Something I could keep. I know, snooze, a story about daffodils drying. But stay with me here. Days later, my Continue Reading …
Parents
Mix It Up
My son Ro, who is four, just started in a soccer league. Four year-olds don't know attention is a thing that can have a span-- their coaches have to mix it up to keep them engaged. When their sweet Coach N explained, "Now I am a shark, and you are fish crossing my ocean, and if your ball gets away from you, I'll eat you!," they took him very seriously. They didn't want to get eaten on the first day of practice. Who does? Also four year-olds excel at being literal. When It Comes to Sports, Love (and Writing), Mix It Up! The lead coach, who has been coordinating community soccer leagues since I was four, watched from the sidelines, and played rapturously with my 1 year-old. He was chatty, and did not stop talking if you were within reaching distance. At the end of the clinic, while he watched Ro eat peanut butter and honey, he waxed on about the league he started in New Jersey for Orthodox Jewish (OJ) kids on Sundays. They couldn't play on Saturday, regular Soccer Day, because of observing the Sabbath. Turned out local Seventh Day Adventists (SDA) kids also couldn't play on Saturdays because THEY also observe the Sabbath. So eventually some SDA kids migrated onto the OJ team. Then parents showed up to watch. Turned out a number of the parents were widowed or otherwise single (the divorce scene is opaque). Slowly, mutual romantic interests developed--"mixing" between the adults. The kids didn't get eaten by sharks, made goals and dirtied knees across religious lines, and god didn't smite anyone. Meanwhile, the parents flirted and paired off. A Good Story is Still Good the Millionth Time! I could tell the coach had told this story a million times before. But Ro didn't mind, because he was eating ALL the peanut butter and honey and admiring his shin guards. And Aria didn't mind, because she was busy trying to pick up the cones that marked the sidelines and cigarette butts on the astroturf (really?). And I generally like people telling stories Continue Reading …
Parents, Don’t Lose it Over the Essay
Last year I was a contributor at TeenLife Mag and got to offer some advice on one of my favorite subjects: relationships. In particular, how parents and kids can avoid losing it over the college essay. I'm a parent and step-parent now, and I really get how tricky it can be. We all need reminders that our relationship with our kid is faaaaar more important than anything we might want for them to accomplish. It doesn't always feel that way-- when our kids don't want our input. It doesn't always feel that way-- when our kids act annoyed that we parents seem so focused on a deadline. It doesn't always feel that way-- when we parents worry about the future. It doesn't always feel that way-- when we parents think our kid might be too focused, too stressed, and we want them to take a breather. An Interactive Talk For Parents (Let's Not Lose our Shiz!) If you're local to Brooklyn, you can come to an interactive talk at Bee Tutored-- register here. If you're not local, we can book a phone session. This might be the most important thing I have to offer, and that you have to offer: love, love, love. It looks different in every family system, just like every family looks different. I'll offer tools to help your inner world when the outer world is just a tad nutty. Please come be part of the conversation! We can take back the college essay! Continue Reading …
When Should You Start Your College Essay?
As a college essay writing coach, I get this question all the time from parents (less so from students, hmmm): when is THE BEST time to start writing the college essay? Writing process is highly individual And my honest answer is: I don't know. That's because I believe and have seen that the process is highly individual. February? April? The Summer? Fall? The minute the Common App releases their questions? To the chagrin of some parents, I really can't tell you. Exactly how long does it take a tide to pull back? Bread to rise? Continue Reading …
Essay Intensive Is Having A Baby
The Facts, Baby! Essay Intensive will be Doing Maternity for much of the summer-- we 're having a(nother) baby! Sometimes we're metaphorical...but this is literal. We are literally having a baby, sometime around Independence Day (because we appreciate irony). What does the Baby have to do with me? What does this mean for you? It means that for July our response time may be slower. Or we may refer you out to our talented colleagues for urgent writing support needs. Please contact us to inquire if we have room to work with you. Thank you! Meanwhile, we cherish you. Have a beautiful summer, and go write like your life depends on it. We are grateful to have a life filled with children (3, 11, 13 and....newly made). They keep us creative and questioning. They remind us that the future is literally in their growing hands. It can be really hard to be a person, and so we try to raise our own just like we do our business-- with love, integrity, honesty and a good dose of humor. Now, who would we be if we didn't give you a writing prompt? Prompt Write everything you know about your birth story, and any questions you have. What blanks need to be filled in? Do you see threads connecting how you were born to the rest of your life, as it's unfolded? If tangents arise, follow them. Continue Reading …
Successful Parent Teen Communication about the College Essay
Happy Parent-Teen Communication about the College Essay? This could be you! Ever feel like parent-teen communication about the college essay (or, say, everything else?) can go haywire on a dime? I've had the pleasure of guest writing about this over at TeenLife magazine. You can check out my most recent article there on parent-teen communication about the college essay. How can you navigate conversations which can be so thorny? These tips help families ensure a smoother, clearer, respectful communication process about the essay. This works out better for everyone. And with the world a hot mess of poor word choice, what's better than harmony in the midst of anxiety? With our tips, our hope is that you got this! You can say what you mean, and refrain from saying what might make trouble. An excerpt from the post is below. Follow the link to read more. How To Avoid Making the College Essay a Battleground? "The notorious college essay can become a battleground of underlying stress and tension for parents and teens. They both care about the outcome, but (or because of this) communication about it easily goes haywire. Every parent-child relationship is different, and you have your own complex history that this post cannot address fully enough. Certain struggles, however, are common. From my years as a college-essay coach, I offer these suggestions for effective intra-family communication to help you navigate the college essay writing process productively, skillfully and with your relationship intact. Teens and parents have said these made all the difference!" ...Read the rest at TeenLife, here. Wait, I want more! Already know you want more guidance on the essay, or even just how to communicate about it? Let's schedule a consultation! Or send along your draft for our expert "how good is this draft?" junkies to review. We can't wait to help you make this process come alive, and to write something you're really really proud of. Continue Reading …