Yikes, What if ….Unhappiness?!
I know, I know: Some version of fear of unhappiness drives most student lose their mind agonizing which school to go to, or feeling trapped if their school choices are too limited.
But it’s the myth of any one school making us happy that causes the problem in the first place.
The way we talk about school choice indicates to the student: you should go where you will be happy.
And obviously you know that…(mmmmmnotatall)?
As if happiness is something you can see in a promo pamphlet. McMatch University.
Unhappiness isn’t tuition bate. Schools are looking for profit, and they need to sell you a place, which means selling you a vision of yourself at a place. HAPPY, YOU GOT IT?
And a bunch of marginally depressed people sitting around a library at 2AM trying to study for exams with grim looks on their faces and cigarette stains on their sleeves would not a happy picture make. Accurate, maybe yes. Happy, no.
And if your unhappiness is obvious, well, you should hide it, quickly. I MEAN WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT LOOK UNHAPPY!
It makes sense that we’re afraid of being unhappy. No one affirms for us that this is actually OK, if it happens, and maybe even par for the course.
Unhappiness Might Increase Other Positives
I don’t exactly cheer when my former students are unhappy at their freshman year schools, when unhappiness drives them to reach back out and say, “Are you available?”
But I do expect to encounter someone who life has helped to get a tad wiser.
Unhappiness can be a good thing– really, a kind of productive restlessness, a yearning for more than what is currently happening. We’re so used to thinking unhappy = bad that we fail to realize we can’t know it all in the moment. When we choose our college, or it chooses us, we only know what we know, and the future is not on that list. We’re not always equipped to judge in advance.
But we’re almost always equipped to self-reflect and write. Which unhappiness often prompts in spades.
Embrace Unhappiness
Don’t be afraid of your unhappiness– if it happens. It just might have tons to teach you.
As I’ve told just about everyone: I went to my dream college (Brown University, baby!) and for at least half the time there, I was ABSOLUTELY MISERABLE.
Individuating is hard. It’s not the job of a place to make us happy. Your only job when you set out to college is to learn.
So don’t worry about whatever preconceived notion you might have cooked up about the school you’re heading to– or the school you’re already at.
IT MIGHT “MAKE” YOU HAPPY, IT MIGHT NOT.
It’s Spring, did this post depress you? Is it the post’s job to make you happy?
It’s Spring, but any time you’re ready you can call Spring to mind, even in the worst winter the Northeast has seen. No one can take away that power from you–nor guarantee your unhappiness or happiness, Likewise no single college can rob you of that inner blossom, or tell you what it has to look like.
Go Into It!
My husband, who went through many trying years, often reminds me of the tale of the Chinese Peasant. Yah know, a nice racist tale about the spiritual equilibrium of those who happen to live in Asia. (But I digress).
Here’s a version of the tale for you, so perhaps you can judge your experience less absolutely, and be just a tad less afraid. (But if you’re full of judgment, or want to turn your own story into a fable, we’ve got you covered.)
Instead, you can open your eyes to the college you’re at, or will be at, and what you have to learn about YOURSELF there.
The world needs more people who are not afraid of unhappiness. And who will use it as an opportunity to get more conscious, more connected, and more caring.
Take it not from me, but from my buddy Thich Naht Hanh, meditation teacher and wise elder: “Suffering can be transformed. As soon as we open our mouth to say “suffering,” we know that the opposite of suffering is already there as well. Where there is suffering, there is happiness.” Word. What he said.
Write about it
And you know what I’m going to say here, right? Good: if you want to write about it, if you want to use your suffering for some serious artistic good, contact us.