Parents Influence As parents, it's hard to figure out the right balance of influence and distance when your kid is writing the college essay(s). And like everything else parenting related, the perfect balance differs. But it's important to establish healthy and helpful bottom lines in your role and relationship. This week, I read an(other) NYTimes article about how admissions officers (90% of them?) can tell if the essay is written in the student's voice and style, or that of some much older adult-- often the parent. It's not foolproof-- some kids have mastered adult-ese. Or they purposefully write in an even more sophisticated way in the essay (it's called trying too hard?) than is natural for them. An adultered style (no pun intended) is especially common if a lot is at stake (college acceptance, anyone?) and the students are trying to be impressive. (As I have said elsewhere, the best way to be impressive is to....be impressive. That doesn't happen in a one-off.) Their passion is the point There are all kinds of ethical issues with parents picking or heavily influencing the essay topic and its execution. But one of the biggest is: the raw passion isn't there. Spend 10 minutes with adolescents asking them about what they love, what moves or bothers them, what is really on their mind, and you are met with a slew of passionate speech. That same passion will not and cannot be there if their parents have fed them a topic about which they don't feel equally strong. Remember, your student might really really really want to please you, the parent, or at least not disappoint. BUT THE RESULTS WILL NOT HAVE THAT SPECIAL FEELING OF THE REAL KID. Yes, all writing is a produced self. But, no, not all writing is photoshopped to fit in well with the family portrait. Agendas are obstacles. You have one, I have one, students have one. Mostly-- you want your kid to be liked. To shine out as special, but not to take too big a risk that might cost Continue Reading …
readers
To read sample college essays, or not to read?
Models of college essay successes? When you're writing your college essay, you're often advised to read the sample college essays of previous applicants-- the ones that got the students admitted, the ones that didn't. From the successful ones, you get some ideas of what to do. From the flops, you learn what not to do. Sounds easy enough. After all, you want to get into your top college choice, and these writers did-- or didn't. But the reality is a little trickier and more nuanced-- and as awake people, it's our job to pay attention to nuance. Continue Reading …
Finding the best reader for your college essay
You've done the grunt work writing your college application essay draft and you're not sure how you feel about it. Moment of truth: who is the best reader for your essay now, before it's time to submit the application? Who should vet your ideas? It matters who you pick, and here's why. The obvious possible candidates In some cases, the reader is decided for you: you have to turn a draft in to your English teacher, your guidance counselor, your college counselor. In other cases, a family member wants to weigh in as a reader-- your well-intentioned parents, your I've-gotten-you-this-far guardian, your brother who's already in college and should know, and so on. In still other cases, you've hired someone, supposedly for their skill at reading and evaluating your essay: your college coach (if you have one), your essay coach (if you have one). DIY? Whatever your situation looks like, when it comes to writing, it's rarely a good idea to do it all on your own. You already know what you meant to say in your essay, and it can be hard to have critical distance necessary to see its flaws and omissions. You're apt to be predisposed to love or to hate it, to cling to your ideas whether successful or not, and to supply background information that a reader ignorant of your life story won't be able to. All of these things cloud your ability to be your own best reader. So while you must reread to revise and edit well (Never submit an essay without doing this, duh!), you should NOT be your only reader. Recruit family, friends, and flatterers? Your parents and guardians, because they have loved you for so long, and probably changed all your poopy diapers for months, might have their own agendas about what they think would be the best topic, given that they know so much of the history of your life, and may also assume (rightly or wrongly) they know you better than anyone. But they are usually not experts in the requirements of this genre and, beyond that, it's important Continue Reading …