Parents Influence As parents, it's hard to figure out the right balance of influence and distance when your kid is writing the college essay(s). And like everything else parenting related, the perfect balance differs. But it's important to establish healthy and helpful bottom lines in your role and relationship. This week, I read an(other) NYTimes article about how admissions officers (90% of them?) can tell if the essay is written in the student's voice and style, or that of some much older adult-- often the parent. It's not foolproof-- some kids have mastered adult-ese. Or they purposefully write in an even more sophisticated way in the essay (it's called trying too hard?) than is natural for them. An adultered style (no pun intended) is especially common if a lot is at stake (college acceptance, anyone?) and the students are trying to be impressive. (As I have said elsewhere, the best way to be impressive is to....be impressive. That doesn't happen in a one-off.) Their passion is the point There are all kinds of ethical issues with parents picking or heavily influencing the essay topic and its execution. But one of the biggest is: the raw passion isn't there. Spend 10 minutes with adolescents asking them about what they love, what moves or bothers them, what is really on their mind, and you are met with a slew of passionate speech. That same passion will not and cannot be there if their parents have fed them a topic about which they don't feel equally strong. Remember, your student might really really really want to please you, the parent, or at least not disappoint. BUT THE RESULTS WILL NOT HAVE THAT SPECIAL FEELING OF THE REAL KID. Yes, all writing is a produced self. But, no, not all writing is photoshopped to fit in well with the family portrait. Agendas are obstacles. You have one, I have one, students have one. Mostly-- you want your kid to be liked. To shine out as special, but not to take too big a risk that might cost Continue Reading …
college essay writing
A poem to inspire your best college essay
Stafford's Poem From time to time I find a poem that would be a perfect college essay, as is. Read it, and weep. William Stafford's "A Ritual to Read to Each Other," guts me word by word. I want to help my students make their college essays this pointed and distilled. So let's study this guy, a master of his form; he knows word economy. His poem unsettles. Good-- who wants to settle? That's for pre-Trump era folks. "If you don't know the kind of person I am and I don't know the kind of person you are a pattern that others made may prevail in the world and following the wrong god home we may miss our star." Read the rest here. Stafford's poem helps us figure out how to be with one another as people (because generally speaking, we're pretty piss at winning peace prizes, folks). He is a badass** writer, somehow direct but also circumspect: "Lest our mutual life get lost in the dark." How is that for Twitter-able accuracy? As a side note, I would also feel really cool if one of my students wrote something this devastating and accurate. (Which, by the way, they sometimes do, just that most of them aren't famous for it yet.) These lines have haunted me for years. They could not be more relevant. Be Woke As a buzzkill and injunction to BE WOKE, I'll post Stafford's last lines. But you're best served by reading the whole poem aloud, again and again. Better if you can read it to somebody. Maybe somebody who, like the rest of us, needs to WAKE UP ALREADY. "For it is important that awake people be awake, or a breaking line may discourage them back to sleep; the signals we give — yes or no, or maybe — should be clear: the darkness around us is deep." Again, you can visit the whole poem here. Light up your essay I often misremember the poem's last lines as "the answers we give should be clear..." But you could easily substitute, "the college essays we write...should be clear!" --because the Continue Reading …
Try to Understand
If you don't try, you may never understand. My new student, J, was in his bright red basketball jersey and shorts, and he was doing his best not to shiver. Starbucks was as cold as a meat freezer. But what he was saying warmed my mind. In the course of a short conversation, he'd already told me that as a kid he'd been pegged as "troublemaker." Or, even worse, proving the little words matter: "THE Troublemaker." You wouldn't know it now, from his composure even under the offensively strong air conditioning. But according to his teachers, he had "too much energy" and bounced around the room and, worst of all, Socrates be damned, he had too many questions. I'm like: "Hold the sauce. How is it possible to have too many questions IN A CLASSROOM?" Continue Reading …
3 lies you’ll tell yourself about your college essay
Three lies about your college essay you best not believe, starting now: My story doesn't matter. Nothing has ever happened to me. I don't know how to impress the admissions officer. Some help debunking these lies: All stories matter equally, like all people (should!) matter equally. If you got born, which I assume you did, something huge has already happened to you. From there, a million little and big happenings got you to the present. It doesn't really matter what you pick to talk about, so long as you can say something that is important to you. Then you connect that thing to a broader message or point. Finally, "impress"? You've picked the wrong verb. Try "how to move" the admissions officer. Continue Reading …
What is “authentic” voice?
Your authentic voice? answer with an anecdote! The student in my college essay revising workshop tipped dangerously far back in his chair. Even the chair was nervous. "Can you look at my essay?" He called. No matter that I was in the middle of a sent-- He handed me an essay draft with tight lips. It was all about how he went from careless to caring about his school work over a few challenging years. "I don't like it." He said. "It's boring." He wasn't fishing for praise. He didn't like it. "Well, if you are bored by it, it's probably boring," I agreed. I skimmed it. Yup. Continue Reading …
Use the Present for your essay conclusion
Where does the present fit in to your college essay? During the application process, you need to think and talk about your past-- where you came from, how you got this way-- and the future-- where you're headed, what you hope for. It's never bad to take stock like this, even if, in four years, your thinking is completely different. But the present has a very important role to play in your essay content, so read on. Good storytelling (which you should definitely practice in your essay) allows for flexible or fluid interpretation. No one will chase you down with your college essay when you are 25 and doing something completely different from what you predicted and say, "BUT YOU SAID IT WAS LIKE THIS?! YOU SAID YOU WANTED/CARED ABOUT THIS!" Don't worry about reducing your future to one personal quality or goal. Instead, stay present. What does that mean? It's kinda simple. You can't just write about that important thing that happened to you and call the essay done. Tune into yourself, and use the last third of your essay to show your reader what you're like, now. How that important event or story relates to your current self--your actions, engagements, and mindset. Make Your Past Relevant to the Present Your entire past led up to this moment, this person, this character-- you. You picked just a slice of it to share with your readers, and in a well-told story you highlighted something about yourself, some personal characteristic you made real for us, worthy of our attention. But how is that trait an important part of your life, right this very minute? For example: were you a picky kid, who didn't like to wear socks in the winter, or who wanted notebooks of only a certain color? Well, maybe the present you has a high tolerance for adverse weather, or loves things other people find challenging, or has a fine sense of design, or maybe you advise those other kids who never seem to know what to buy (that was me, thank you!), and that's your Continue Reading …