Morgan's Sample Common App College Admissions Essay -- with my commentary Morgan's advice to applicants: "You've got to be vulnerable, or it's not going to work." Believe In Yourself Harder Your lowest point can be your turning point. I learned this in 10th grade when I told my mom about my reading problems. She didn’t believe me. Wasn’t she supposed to be my biggest supporter? I was scared. Were my feelings accurate or imagined? Was I just “a slow reader” or was it something else? Either way, I could not go on like this. I knew I hadn’t performed well on my first test of the year. When the grade was posted as 63, I was speechless, painfully holding back tears. My parents seemed furious (in reality, probably just confused). “Did you study?” I thought they’d be understanding, but “D” was a new game. I knew I’d have to work even harder to believe the affirmations I repeated daily, “I am smart, I am capable,” – reminders that my intelligence wasn’t determined by grades alone. Raised to have agency, one of my greatest fears is turning into someone who looks for pity or sees myself as a victim. To avoid this, I’d study 10+ hours for one test– unsustainable. Would overdrive improve my performance? My grades slipped; my anxiety climbed. As my education and future depended on my actions, I admitted to my advisor there was a problem, advocating for her to speak to my mom. This paid off: we learned I wasn’t “just” a slow reader, but there was a bigger problem that I received help to address. Aware there would be a day when I’d have to stand up for myself, I never imagined it would be at home. My parents had always encouraged positive self-talk, emphasizing the importance of feeling confident in our skin and having pride in our heritage. They taught us always to give 100% effort, never quit, and find paths forward. These beliefs were pivotal to the development of my self-esteem, my crown jewel. Now, when seemingly no one validated my perspective, I was forced to Continue Reading …
Sample Essays
Julian Jimenez, Winning College Admissions Essay
When he sent the final draft of his winning college admissions essay to me, Julian confirmed my sense that good things are possible. I never know if the draft I give a standing ovation is definitely the one the student has submitted (2AM last minute changes are not unthinkable). But I was glad to see this one was. Natural Talent Julian has natural writing talent which sometimes makes it even harder for a student to figure out what belongs in their admissions essays, because so much of draft is already of strong quality. Julian faced this in his capacity to entertain the reader and find dark humor in his experience. Where to stop? What needed to be said, versus just sounded good on the page? Ultimately, he was able to cut based on what aspect of his present self he most wanted to highlight and explain. I hope you enjoy his essay as much as I (and seemingly everyone on the admissions committees) did. Julian wrote: I'm proud to tell you that I have committed to Princeton! I actually got into roughly 90% of my top choices including Dartmouth, Columbia, USC, UCLA, Berkeley, Swarthmore, University of Notre Dame, UCSD and UCSB , and a few others. Julian Jimenez, Personal statement (Princeton Class of 2024) Here comes Satanás. Behold his fiery, mischievous, defiant glory. Watch him terrorize the innocent victims...of his first grade classroom. Bored, he pinballs around the room, stopping only to implement his conniving get-out-of-school-quick strategy: rubbing his eyes bloodshot, then duping the school nurse into believing he has pink eye. Every day, after his parents spoke to another irritated teacher, he was met with a disappointed, "Aquí viene Satanás!" (Here comes Satan!) Was it his fault, though? I was born to 16-year-old parents, kicked out of their homes for having me. My first memory consists of my mother silently sobbing while pushing my stroller along dark sidewalks late at night. I wondered why she Continue Reading …
Student Essay: Books Are Bombs
Celine Lubin, whose personal essay "Books Are Bombs" appears here, is one of my 7th grade students in my "Word Up" class at the TEAK Fellowship. She chose to write this personal essay responding to my prompt, "What is something you learned that you were never supposed to know?" We had just read Sherman Alexie's essay, "Superman and Me," on his subversive literacy and literary journey. (I also explained his fall from grace for mistreatment of women and abuse of power--perhaps also something we, his readers, were never supposed to know.) Celine always has her hand up and her sharing motor on, but her learning curve was sharper in acquiring craft and polish. This essay, "Books are Bombs," is one of her true composition accomplishments, and also the product of a deeply creative and funny mind. Celine Lubin-- Books Are Bombs My mother has been telling me my entire life, “Education is power.” The first time she brought it up I was but a short little second grader who was scared of her own shadow. Whenever I heard the saying “Books are bombs,” which was ever so often from my reading teacher Ms. Brown, it would send me ducking and heading for cover, sheltering myself under the desk. She explained to me that they weren’t literal bombs, but figurative ones. This only added to my suspicions, that books were bombs that came in many shapes and sizes and were dangerous and could never be trusted. Somewhere along the line within the course of the next two years, I became quite fond of books. Each time I had looked in one’s direction or became daring enough to peek through its pages, I thought how organized, how smooth, how refined, how interesting. With these brave ideas exploding in thought, I became fascinated with how to read. Soon I learned how to read with the help of Ms. Brown and two other reading teachers. Not just how to read, but how hard it was. Unconsciously I felt how lucky I was to receive that opportunity. With each page, I became more enlightened and my Continue Reading …
Sample student essay– Too Muslim for Violence
Student Sample Essay-- Start Them Writing Young The following sample personal essay, “Too Muslim for Violence” was written by Mohamed, my 7th grade student at The TEAK Fellowship. I am proud to share it with you here-- he has exploded into his voice over only 8 weeks in my class, and he has a message for us about individuality and peace. If you think you don't need to hear it, you're probably wrong. It's never too young to start them writing about what they see in the world, and who they might be. ** "Too Muslim for Violence" Al Salam Alaikum my brothers and sisters. Let’s start by defining that phrase. The phrase itself means peace be upon you. As Muslims, we greet each other with peace. It seems ironic that many people view us Muslims as terrorists, murderers, kidnappers, or basically any other negative role a human being can play. We greet each other with peace - where could the violence come from? I turn left and right on a cool Monday morning in my school uniform. Ready to learn and ready to see my friends, but definitely not ready for what was to come. As I read the news, my heart skipped a beat. A terrorist attack. Another terrorist attack. I was praying to God that it wasn't somebody with a Muslim name. Please no Ahmed, no Abdel, and absolutely no one else with the name Mohamed. I sunk down into a deep, deep, dark hole. I shut off my phone right away. By no means was this the first terrorist attack that I read about, but usually I was home. Not knowing what to say or what to do I wondered: Is anybody looking at me? Is anybody talking about me? I couldn’t believe what was on my phone - his name was even worse than I anticipated: Ahmed Muhammed. Two Muslim names but only one person. I just wanted to go back home because I worried my friends would be scared of me since a “Muslim” man blew up a church in Egypt. At that moment I felt like every person was saying, “All these Muslim people are so violent.” The media was successful again in spreading hate Continue Reading …
Guest Post: How To Be That One Black Girl At An Interview
To write powerful personal essays, make it a habit to use your voice early and often Immersing yourself in reading personal essays is a great way to develop range. The following sample personal essay was written by my former student Awa D. She is a truth-dropping 8th grader at The TEAK Fellowship, where I teach some of NYC's most dazzling public schoolers who are hellbent on shaping their futures through education. After reading Junot Diaz's short story, "How to Date a Brown Girl, (Black Girl, White Girl or Halfie)," the students were prompted to write their own "How To ______" personal essays about something in which they consider themselves an expert or authority. Awa wrote hers about being "that one black girl" at an interview for an NYC private school. She is observant, tough and tender, gentle in person, rigorous in word. Her personal essays have never shied away from the beauty or difficulty of being a person of color. Her family immigrated here from Mali, and she observes us all with special eyes. If you want to know how to help students write awesome personal essays for college admissions, I say: just start them writing personal essays earlier. Teach the hot skills of observation and reflection, and let them practice til their hands, minds and hearts catch fire. If you're looking to help yourself get stronger at writing personal essays, I'd say: pay attention to your life, and write, write, write what you notice, about whatever feels like a little fire under your skin. From Sample Student Personal Essays How To Be That One Black Girl At An Interview--by Awa D. This interview will make you wish you just had fresh box braids done at the local Fatima’s African Salon on 125th and Park Avenue. The itchy scalp, tightly added extensions that you had to take an Advil for, and chatter of 10 African ladies gossiping about the salon across stealing their customers would have all been worth it. But no, you just happen to have cut your hair to a Continue Reading …
All the things you didn’t read…but need to
Make time to read these! I love when sites I respect go ahead and compile their best-of essays! Why? Because writers need to read. And there is so much good stuff out there, it's easy to miss. Check out the links in this post to bump up your personal essay range, and to see what 2017 dished up that's good to read. And if you're applying to one of these schools whose application deadlines are still looming, maybe one of the essays will inspire a new approach to your supplement. Maybe. Mostly, it's just important to read your face off. Because the work is so good. And so, naturally, you can write your head off. If an idea or thought stream comes to you while reading-- put that essay down and write, write, write. Some Go-To Essays to read for 2017 The "most moving" (does anyone not want to be moved?) essays of 2017 according to Bustle can be found here. Longreads, a great place to learn. Each essay tells you (approximately) how long you'll need to spend reading, and you won't be sad-- can be found here. This one, "Mothering Class" is from Salon's best, which can be found here. Collections you might want to pick up, especially if you're not even sure you like to read essays-- can be found here. (But be awesome and order from local bookseller!) Enjoy, and remember, if holiday season plans aren't leaving you enough time to read, no one can stop you from locking yourself in the bathroom, can they? We'll be reading right with you. Engage! If you have something to say about one of these essays, why not throw your comments on our FB page? Because the point of good writing is to stir us, move us, make us think, feel-- and connect. Want a prompt customized for you from one of these essays? Request that right here. Use the code IREADITNOWHAT in the body of your message to have a free Essay Intensive prompt sent to you-- but be sure to specify which essay you read! And, of course, pass on links to your favorite essays to everyone Continue Reading …