My writing students complained the other day about certain canned responses to their disappointments: Well-meaning folks assured them, "Everything that happens to you is for a reason!" I asked them to raise hands if they agreed or not with this statement. 75% said they disagreed. I'm their writing teacher, and find cliches born of other people's discomfort with our discomfort hard to stomach too. But I suggested a revision: what if you said to them (and yourself), "Everything that happens to you...is for art?" A common problem: Where can I say how I really feel? At a seder this weekend, an older female guest in a glow-worm white jacket confided in me, "We're about to lose our family home. My husband got forced out of his work two years ago. I'm so sad--'" she lowered her voice, "but no one really wants to hear about it." I am always interested in what's really going on for people, and as a result, even strangers often open up for me. I felt for her, what felt like losing her roots. And she was right: it was hard to elicit the empathy she really needed. Much worse things were happening to people everywhere...but so what? This was her grief. She should be able to find an ear for it. My philosophy: Everything That Happens to You Has a Home in Your Art I couldn't tell her this, then, nor did I know if she ever wrote, but we could say: Every single thing that happens to you has a home in your art. That annoying comment your teacher made about your test. That t-shirt you won at the fair. The way your mom looks at you when you get home late. The family home you lost. The cough that wouldn't go away. The school you didn't get into. The kid you hope to have. It doesn't matter what it is: art can handle it. Art will hold it. Art gives you a place to hold it and understand it. In my intro to personal essay class, "Word UP," I ask my students to call out, "Thank you, Life, for giving me my material!" It's goofy but accurate and it never hurts to be Continue Reading …
Integrity
Math and Talking About Feelings
Math and I are old Frenemies. We whisper about each other behind each other's backs-- word problems indeed. In this area, it's hard to talk about my feelings-- where they came from, how gendered they might be. Maybe you can relate, or maybe you can't; maybe numbers make you feel confident, like whatever is quantifiable is also manageable. Maybe you love equations more than, say, a great burrito. For a moment, I'm looking at the other side of the story. I mostly avoid math, though I do run a business (hi!). In that business, I help students write personal essays that must meet unforgiving word or character count limits. So the math I use most on a daily basis is addition (do these words surpass limit?) and subtraction (what can we take out to be under the word count limit?). With these numbers in mind, I pull the gem sentences and phrases from the slush sentences. I'm comfortable with these constraints. I'd happily do that for you. Getting 2,071 words down to 650 doesn't scare me. Tax Day means Math Day Problems All my feelings about math resurface on Tax day, the math-iest day on the calendar. Tax day, thankfully, falls during Poetry Month. Now poetry I get. That's really moved society forward. You can sign up for poem-a-day here. Most, but not all, of my clients & students are too young to pay taxes as head of household, so they (you) are not exactly sharing my pain on tax day (yet). But no one is too young to understand what giant horse-crap taxes are. The less you have, the more you pay. I work with students from families across the economic spectrum. For complicated reasons, and due to unforgiving math, my own economic situation is sometimes perilous. It's good for empathy. If I possibly can, I offer sliding scale as an option for payment. I understand. But at least I wrote off all those books I bought. After Math Day comes Non-Violent Day So April 16th is a great day in the world of ordinal numbers because it means Continue Reading …
Process and Your College Essay
It's OK to want the product...just don't lose the LASTING value of your process! You don’t seek essay help generally if you don’t want a great product. That’s a given: the best you can get, with guidance. AND YOU SHOULD HAVE IT. But! You also are coming for the quality of the process. To be you, doing this hard thing, and to get the most out of it. Some students come to me already pumped to open their minds or draw their creativity up from the well, turn down the volume on their application anxiety, and make discoveries. Others have to be convinced that this process is the gold as much as the final essay product itself. I do know that paying attention to process, really caring, is a recipe for better flow and more interesting lines of thought. That is, a better essay. Paradox? Yup. Your College Essay IS a Process! Everyone wants a great college essay (product) out of their writing process--and why wouldn't you? But how many of us really pay attention to-- or care the most about-- our writing process itself? Nah, we hit SEND and let it go. How many months of work did it take to get you....to that? Let's shift perspective a bit and see. Don't be duped into loving your product more than your process As a culture, we are (too) happy to sacrifice process in favor of product. It's no secret, in fact, it's advertised everywhere: we don't value the time we spend doing something (process) nearly as much as what we end up with (product, thing with a price-tag on it). It's that all-American mindset of living for your retirement experience. That's capitalism--crapitalism-- for ya. It's easy to fall in that trap (product infatuation) even if you think you're not in the trap. For example, ever wished the week would hurry up and be over so you could get to the weekend (end goal)? Presto. DUPED. But what if you get hit by a bus first? My cynical side asks. And what about your week, is it just...useless filler between Saturdays? Worthless Continue Reading …
Successful Parent Teen Communication about the College Essay
Happy Parent-Teen Communication about the College Essay? This could be you! Ever feel like parent-teen communication about the college essay (or, say, everything else?) can go haywire on a dime? I've had the pleasure of guest writing about this over at TeenLife magazine. You can check out my most recent article there on parent-teen communication about the college essay. How can you navigate conversations which can be so thorny? These tips help families ensure a smoother, clearer, respectful communication process about the essay. This works out better for everyone. And with the world a hot mess of poor word choice, what's better than harmony in the midst of anxiety? With our tips, our hope is that you got this! You can say what you mean, and refrain from saying what might make trouble. An excerpt from the post is below. Follow the link to read more. How To Avoid Making the College Essay a Battleground? "The notorious college essay can become a battleground of underlying stress and tension for parents and teens. They both care about the outcome, but (or because of this) communication about it easily goes haywire. Every parent-child relationship is different, and you have your own complex history that this post cannot address fully enough. Certain struggles, however, are common. From my years as a college-essay coach, I offer these suggestions for effective intra-family communication to help you navigate the college essay writing process productively, skillfully and with your relationship intact. Teens and parents have said these made all the difference!" ...Read the rest at TeenLife, here. Wait, I want more! Already know you want more guidance on the essay, or even just how to communicate about it? Let's schedule a consultation! Or send along your draft for our expert "how good is this draft?" junkies to review. We can't wait to help you make this process come alive, and to write something you're really really proud of. Continue Reading …
Mainstream English, or Is That Voice “Mines”?
College Essay, Your Voice? College essays are supposed to represent the applicant's personality; as their paper doppelgänger, if anything should "center" the student voice, that's it. Personal essay teachers are tasked with "preserving" student voice. As your guide, my style should be invisible behind yours. No ventriloquism here. But sometimes, easier said than done. And the issue is not just aesthetic, but moral. 826NYC & Voice Justice This week I attended the interactive workshop "Justice & Equity Dialogues: Centering Student Voice" 826NYC, an organization I've had a crush on for some time. They host their writing magic in a "secret library" behind a superhero supply storefront (I mean, you checked their site, right?). So, enough said. Their workspace has warm wood tables, exposed brick, and two clocks, for "Brooklyn Time" and "Manhattan Time." The latter is an hour ahead of the former because, well, you people in Manhattan rush a tad too much. Their library, airy and light, is filled with self-published student work side by side with destined to be classics like, ahem, that new ballsy Bunny Book by John Oliver. Language Unicorn The facilitator, Rebecca Darugar, 826NYC's Director of Education, began the workshop by asking us to draw a unicorn together in our small groups on chart paper with markers, no further instructions. There was no model unicorn for us to study. And yet, when we compared the four drawings, they all had...what? You guessed it: a prominent horn, a more-or-less horse's physique, a mane (but a rainbow mane, m'kay?). Darugar pointed out: See? A unicorn doesn't exist. But still, we all follow these rules, which we've created and agreed upon at some point, that the unicorn looks a certain way. And only that way. No one's unicorn had a giraffe's body, none a lizard's. An imaginary beast, it nonetheless cohered to a relatively limited set of features. And (the main point of the workshop) language is just like that: language is an Continue Reading …
What will you teach yourself?
Self-directed learning is one of the most satisfying kinds. If no one else told you what to study, what would you want to learn about? How often do we stop to ask that question? What are you going to teach yourself? My stepson is currently teaching himself to break the Guinness Book of World Records in claps-per-minute. He has always been a kid who needs a physical expression for his nervous energy-- think, clinking forks, think pinging sporks, think yelling "LLAMA LLAMA!", think ... right. But he's actually focused on this one. It means incessant grating clapping-- and it's driving us batshit, but he's also driven. And he's getting somewhere. His chest muscles are increasing in size from the practice. If we can separate the sound from its irritating quality, it's actually impressive the number of claps he can pull off in a short span. There is a technique to it. It's superfluous, yes, but also a talent. It's weird and absorbing, the effort to improve. He's also got a measurement method-- not just "Wow, I feel like I am getting better at this!" but two phones to objectively chart his progress-- one with a timer, one with a slo-mo video. He uses them to count the claps. He's clapping all the time around the house, and he measures at intervals. Soon, he'll draft his letter to the Guinness Board, whoever that is, and prepare his application materials. What You Teach Yourself, You'll LEARN What's the point? There is no point, really. I mean, it's fabulous to be the best at something esoteric-- I am telling you, no one can swipe the garlicky-oily-salty residue on a cooking skillet better than I can-- but it's also just something you can teach yourself just because. Learning should pull us in; learning should make us care to be better, driven to be better, sometimes even maniacal to be better. So often in school we're told, "Learn this; You MUST be good at Chemistry, or your head will be cut off!" But what if you just can't hang with the complexity Continue Reading …