Last year I was a contributor at TeenLife Mag and got to offer some advice on one of my favorite subjects: relationships. In particular, how parents and kids can avoid losing it over the college essay. I'm a parent and step-parent now, and I really get how tricky it can be. We all need reminders that our relationship with our kid is faaaaar more important than anything we might want for them to accomplish. It doesn't always feel that way-- when our kids don't want our input. It doesn't always feel that way-- when our kids act annoyed that we parents seem so focused on a deadline. It doesn't always feel that way-- when we parents worry about the future. It doesn't always feel that way-- when we parents think our kid might be too focused, too stressed, and we want them to take a breather. An Interactive Talk For Parents (Let's Not Lose our Shiz!) If you're local to Brooklyn, you can come to an interactive talk at Bee Tutored-- register here. If you're not local, we can book a phone session. This might be the most important thing I have to offer, and that you have to offer: love, love, love. It looks different in every family system, just like every family looks different. I'll offer tools to help your inner world when the outer world is just a tad nutty. Please come be part of the conversation! We can take back the college essay! Continue Reading …
Feedback
But does my essay sound pretentious?
Recognize your pretentious verbal hairballs I've had more than one language-loving writing student who falls in love with a pretentious phrase in their college application essay. Like, in looooooooooooove. Those phrases are likely to offend a reader's sensibility, and I mark them with skull and crossbones right away. I explain the problem with other examples: (A) "Wherefore was I this way?" Wherefore? Stop. Romeo will not be one of your admissions readers. He lost his mind over way more important things. (B) "All I could see was the ever-loosening latticework of my sneakers"? Stop. You were looking at your shoelaces. They are laces and they are on your shoe. They happen to criss-cross. (C) "I was ensconced in my rumination about my perambulations in the rectangular hospital corridors?" Hmmm, really? Just stop. I need a respirator to get through that doozy. Were you thinking about the nights you spent walking in circles in the hospital? Usually we can hear others' pretentious wording, but not our own. Most of us actually have a pretty good ear, and pretty strong distaste, when we are not the one who wrote it. Drop the Pretense Often, pretentiousness is a cover; in fact, that's all it ever is. But a good admissions essay takes your cover OFF. You are better served to leave pretentious phrases for your private enjoyment; no one is stopping you. In a college essay, your deepest goal should be to have something real to say, and to be as honest, though elegant, as you can be. And honesty is best registered through simplicity and clarity. I've helped many students who clutch to this or that phrase loosen their grips and I know the pain of it. You'll be white-knuckled for a bit until you get used to the substitute phrase, the one that "just" says what you mean. After all, most of us are not pretentious to be jerks-- we want to appear smart, cultured, and we want our words to stick out, to strike the ear, to sound Continue Reading …
A Mother and Daughter Reflect on the Challenges of the College Essay Writing Process
How Can I Help? The College Essay Predicament When Your Parent Is A Writer Some families know they’ll need outside help navigating the college essay, and seek it. Other families have help conveniently located at home-- which you might think is a perk, or wish was your situation. But it's not simple. Here’s one [longer form] revelation of what happens when mom-- writer Anne Anthony-- has the very skills her daughter--Samantha Hess-- needs when crafting her application essay, but their working dynamic becomes an emotional challenge. At the end, we invite you to share your (horror, triumph) stories of parent input. Sara: Thank you both for agreeing to reflect on the college essay experience. I thought it’d be interesting to hear from a mother and daughter who’ve gone through it and offer a perspective (and maybe advice or guidance) to those starting that journey. So, Anne, why don’t you give my readers some background. Anne: I’ve loved to write all my life and value a well-written sentence more than most mothers do. So, my daughter faced a harder critic in me than she would have with a different parent. I’d worked as a technical writer and analyst. Putting together words in the clearest and most effective way-- read, college essay gold!-- was something I did every day. I wonder how my daughter felt about my ‘help’ with her college essays. Too much? Too critical? Samantha: As the daughter of a writer, I always enjoyed reading and writing. English was my favorite subject in high school as it came naturally to me and I excelled at it. I took a lot of pride in my writing. Writing in general is also incredibly personal. Anne: She was good. Maybe that’s why I expected a lot from her. I wanted to make sure anything she submitted would be her best. Sometimes I felt like I pushed too hard, expected too much. Maybe the way we worked together didn’t help. She’d send me drafts by email. I’d mark up the draft with my edits which always appeared in red on the Continue Reading …
But are you a good person?
The Good-Person Trend? Am I a good person? That question made the rounds this week with this NYTimes piece by a Dartmouth admission's officer, who herself had been rejected from the school when she applied. The article focused on an otherwise-averagely-strong student who was accepted to Dartmouth largely on the strength of his recommendation letter. What set this letter apart, and got his unanimous YES vote by the admissions committee? It was written by the school custodian, praising the student's level of basic respect, friendliness, and awareness for all people--ALL People-- at the school, the custodian included. Wait, but-- Am I a good person? Well, if you have to ask... You could go all politician-semantics and say, "Depends on how you define good." But you could also just look at yourself and what you do, take some notes, and evaluate. The writer warned that she expected a rash of applicants to follow the publication of the article with letters of support from their local garbage man, their school security guard, and so on. She was fine with that, if that trend tipped the balance of behavior and values in favor of students generally being truly good. But the thing is, a truly good person is not good BECAUSE OF WHAT IT GETS YOU. A truly good person is just good JUST BECAUSE. A Good person is good material I'm lucky-- my husband is this type of person. The other day, I was having a moan-y morning, feeling inadequate (hey, it happens sometimes), when he stopped me in my yowling tracks. You are good and loving, he said. What more do you want? Oh, gosh-- too bad I already applied to (and long finished) college! This would have been GREAT MATERIAL! No, you see, I am only kidding. Not everything can be used. Because I doubt this featured student was thinking, "I know: I'll clean up classrooms for four years, greet the custodians in the hall every time...so I can look good on my college application!" Good people do stuff Continue Reading …
Your reader doesn’t know your story
Your relationship with your reader determines your success How much should you consider your reader? Thinking about your reader too much can make you a self-conscious college essay writer. You can't write a word without wondering how it's perceived. Know this feeling?: uh-oh, is there something in my (sentence's) teeth? Just in case, you should only talk with your lips pressed against them. It's awkward but doable. But maybe not your best social strategy. Because in your response to the problem, you act unnaturally. Which itself points back to the problem. Did you follow that? No? Try this: Unnatural writing makes your essay cumbersome and-- hate to say it-- annoying. You need to find and honor the line between self-aware and self-defeating. On the other hand, not thinking about your reader enough can make your story impossible to follow. And therefore your college essay will fail to move the reader, or inspire that coveted college acceptance. Where's that happy middle place? Because there is so much your reader doesn't know unless you say it. What you should do for your reader Your reader needs your courtesy. Clarify, define or elaborate on your main references. Supply just enough context that your narrative is engaging and not confusing. Continue Reading …
Free-writing prompts to find your college essay topic
Non-stop exploratory free-writing for your best college essay material You know something good is happening in a college admissions essay-writing workshop when 29 teenage boys have their hands tight to the paper, free-writing with a fervor usually reserved for Mortal Kombat. (They may not know writing actually is a form of Mortal Kombat!) This is exactly what went down last weekend at JP Morgan Chase The Fellowship Initiative, where I was lucky enough to share free-writing exercises for my newest cohort of students. These fellows are selected for the Fellowship based on the strength of their dreams and the qualities of their character to help change the professional landscape for young men of color. What better way to amplify this mission, this visibility, than with their words? We started like I always start: with the freedom and exploration of free-writing. I'm sharing the free-writing prompts to help you dig for your college essay material. If you haven't done this before, first read the rules below, then respond to the writing prompts that follow. What you write just might lead you to a rich, authentic topic for your application essay. Note! These are just two of the prompts we used at the workshop. We have many, many, many more upon request. Parents and teachers-- you can try these exercises too. Rules for free-writing: Write automatically and non-stop for a set period of time. Set a timer. Follow wherever your mind goes without censoring or policing and write it all down, even if it seems unrelated, random or unexpected. Do like you would on the ball court and don’t stop moving (your hand on the page). Only reread or make changes once you are done (when the timer goes off!). Free-writing Prompt 1 (3-4 min) "I am an invisible man...I am a man of substance, of flesh and bone, fiber and liquids—and I might even be said to possess a mind. I am invisible, understand, simply because people refuse to see me." ---Ralph Continue Reading …