How to begin writing your college essay? Sometimes it feels harder than bench pressing 3x your weight. Sometimes it feels harder than plucking hairs with your non-dominant hand. Sometimes it feels harder than spelling French words correctly. But it doesn't have to. Faced with the challenge of how to begin, just begin. That is, go around the challenge by refusing to see it as a challenge. Overwrite the fear, inertia, or blank feeling by starting right there, using it as your prompt. Freewrite from this moment Caffeinate yourself until you see double, turn down the sound of babies crying and your neighbor's weird fetish for Frank Sinatra, turn down the sound of siblings having the same old fight, parents barking, friends texting....and start there. I mean, you could start with any of the things listed above, the particulars of your life. Or you could start with the emotion-- or lack of emotion-- that facing an essay brings up. For example, you might set a timer, take a few deep breaths and start: "At this moment, I am staring at the page, well aware that what I put on this page is supposed to be super talented, attractive, and make me sound as Good as Friday. To handle this amount of pressure and anxiety, I am on my third Starbucks Peppermint Latte, which I got with my last dollar for the week, and now I add to my list of crappy things that I might not be able to sleep for a month from the amount of stimulant coursing through my blood, and I notice all the other people working nearby-- I'm in the library-- and that they all seem to be typing freely and easily, so I have to believe they are updating their social media accounts, not writing an application essay. I just noticed that is the longest sentence ever..." Will you win the Pulitzer for this content? Likely not, but if you do, please mention that this blog helped you get going. That said, who cares? The way you get over not knowing where to begin is by Continue Reading …
Exercise
Powerful People Pause
The "fail" pause and the perfect pause I start almost every essay support session asking students to read-aloud their college essay drafts, and for most it's like asking them to read the omens in my baby's dirty diapers. I can't count the number of times my students lower their eyes and barrel through the read-aloud, with nary a pause. Well, that's not true: they take one pause at the beginning, the "fail" pause, and the last and only time they'll inhale for the duration of their read. A puree of words, no connection to the audience (me), no pacing to measure impact or resonance. I can hardly hear them, and they can hardly hear themselves. They zoom through the read, like the Dalai Lama will condemn them to Samsara, or Obama exile them from the US, if they take too long or stumble on a sentence. (That's why DL and BO are sitting up there in the photo looking so compassionate, right guys?). Lose me or hold me? By contrast, my Whole Heart Connection teacher, Thea Elijah, can hold a whole room with her pause. Nobody snickers, squirms, or gets nervous. No one checks their phone or doubts her credibility. The silence is not awkward. It is very very very full. Everyone just waits for her to begin speaking again. How come? Two kinds of pauses Thea describes it this way: there are two kinds of pauses. There is the pause where the speaker disconnects from the room (the audience), goes inside, and gets lost in their own stuff. They have "lost touch with the field" (i.e. the rest of us. Hellooooooooo, come back!). But then there is the very different kind of pause where the speaker stays connected to the room (the audience) but stops speaking long enough to check-in inside. Like an energetic, mighty octopus, the speaker is still completely aware and part of "the needs and the nature of field" (i.e. the rest of us). The first kind of pause is the lost cause. You can make a come-back from it, but basically you've given your audience a Continue Reading …
Be Curious
Easy to Advise, Hard to Do: Stay Curious By now, you've pressed submit on your college applications. Or your child has. Or your friend has. Or someone you knew as a baby has. Or you're reflecting on an upcoming big decision that is is-- at this point out-- of your hands (more on hands in a moment). How can you keep from dying with agony over what the results will be? Be curious. And by "curious", I don't mean obsessed. And I don't mean neurotically rehearsing possibilities. "Be curious" urges and instructs you to find in yourself an open state of friendly inquiry into the present. As in, the present. As in, the present. I didn't know any better back when I'm a hypocrite. When I was waiting for my college letters, 8 million years ago when humans had just sprouted opposable thumbs, I couldn't maintain the equanimous tenet of "Be curious" (about your experience). No, I had the worst nightmares of my life, things I couldn't even believe my imagination could come up with, in an other-wise generally PG-13-rated brain-scape, and content I don't feel comfortable rehashing in this blog. But almost 20 years later, I still remember those dreams vividly. So you can imagine how much they sucked, and how much my mind was hijacked by worry about what I could not control. This is why I can say confidently that if you can "be curious" instead of "being consumed", your time will pass a lot more enjoyably. An exercise in curiosity with opposable thumbs Your opposable thumbs are going to be your ally in this moment. Check 'em out. Stick 'em up. Gaze at their tips to steady your attention. Make them kiss each other like I did as a kid. Be curious about your hands, like a baby (or a stoner, but that's a different matter) might be. (Haven't been around a baby in a while? I've got one whose diapers you can change with your opposable...). Here are simple activities that allow you to test your opposable thumb's usefulness-- for essay writing and more. The Continue Reading …
How to Take a Deep Breath
Pause the panic mode You know when you're getting really pissed off, anxious, or stressed, and someone says, "It's OK, just take a deep breath"? Sometimes, you want to smack the person. Even so, you suspect that advice is spot-on, and that your emotional hubbub (Too many application essays, anyone? Computer stalling, anyone? Fridge has no food again, anyone? Relatives grating at you, anyone?) could get quietly derailed. But in the moment, when you're stuck in shallow breathing (and maybe shallow thinking), "Take a deep breath" is annoying to hear, and for whatever reason hard to remember to do. Even though it's the easiest-- and actually most helpful-- thing of all (and free--did we say free?). Plus, maybe you don't know how. Really how. These trying moments of intensity can be greeted as opportunities for taking-- or learning to take, or finding value in taking-- a deep breath. I have to relearn this lesson all the time. So get your big breath on If you've never been shown otherwise, you might take a deep breath by puffing up your chest while tensing your jaw and shoulders, and leave it at that. No bueno. Instead, read on to learn what that well-meaning correct-but-pain-in-your-ass person could have instructed you to do-- a gift you can give yourself right now, and every day from now on, if you so choose. How can you get that restorative, revitalizing deep breath? You know, the one that makes all your problems (momentarily) go away? Well, it's not just your chest you want to move, even though that's the part of our bodies we most closely associate with breathing. In fact, it's more helpful if you think your lungs are in your belly. Your diaphragm will pull down the lower lobes of your lungs, and your blood, brain and spirit will be richer for it. Your parasympathetic nervous system, the function that allows you to relax, will give you a full-bodied thumbs-up. Here's the triumvirate of breathing exercises Try it according to my Continue Reading …
Tips for Exercise While Sitting
Let's get the facts about exercise: Americans spend more time sitting, and sitting with poor posture, staring into our devices, than most descendants of apes do. We're famous for this statistic. But that doesn't mean we can't find sneaky, critical ways to do better and fit in stress-alleviating exercise-- even while we're shackled to our computers, our desks, our homework and, in this case, our college applications (if you still haven't finished yours. In which case, o baby, you better get a move on!). Can you really exercise while sitting? This excellent article by fierce yoga teacher Ana Forrest (read: hardest ab work I've ever done in my life, and a great physical antidote to fear and stagnation) details great ways to keep moving even when you're stuck sitting. Try Ana's suggestions at your desk-- or, if you're a jet-setter, on the airplane (you know you want to be that person on the plane who everyone stares at, don't you?). Generally, long stretches spent sitting should be punctuated by breaks so you can increase blood flow and give your brain a boost. Also, you'll feel less busted and more bionic. Exercise stirs up your circulation, your joie d'vivre and your efficiency. It makes you feel better, period, during and after. So why not optimize how you feel while you're doing what you gotta do? If you missed that first link because you were distracted by your numb butt and throbbing neck, read how here. How Exercise Helped Me When I was in grad school getting my MFA in writing, I spent long hours staring at my computer, writing or, um, pretending to write. Once per hour, I would jump up and get my freak on by faux jump-roping (I had a basement office), wall-push-ups, and low back stretches (many taught to me by NYC master yoga teacher, Alison West). I made sure to inflate my lungs all the way, and breathe out as deeply as I could, shake out my hands and roll out my neck (poor, poor neck!). And, BAM! The muse (or call her the Continue Reading …